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Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

10 Fictional Beverages You Probably Want to Avoid  

Catch the return of Todd Margaret Thursday January 7th at 10P on IFC.

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Touchstone Pictures and Spyglass Ente/Ronald Grant/Everett

A drink can be an escape from the realities of the world. But there are some tasty beverages from pop culture that may give you more than a wicked hangover. To celebrate the return of Todd Margaret and its extreme beverage Thunder Muscle, we’ve found ten tipples you’ll want to avoid that bring escapism to awful new extremes.

1. Elsinore Beer, Strange Brew

Elsinore Beer

MGM

The refreshing lager in Strange Brew is an evil-mind control chemical concocted by Max Von Sydow in an scheme to dominate the world. The beer renders the drinker docile and compliant, but certain sounds will trigger a violent reaction.


2. Romulan Ale, Star Trek franchise

Paramount

Paramount

Romulan Ale is the bright blue drink so aggressive even the Federation banned it, and they fit their ships with machines which can replicate any drink in existence. It even gave Captain Kirk a hangover, and he’s been exposed to more alien fluids than the Federation Xenobiological Research Institute.


3. Thunder Muscle, Todd Margaret

Thunder Muscle is the mysterious Korean energy drink at the heart of Todd Margaret. The ingredients are unknown, the effects are untested, but like anything touched by Todd, it’s bound to escalate into an embarrassing avalanche of catastrophe.


4. Life Cry, Black Books

Channel 4

Channel 4

The British series Black Books is a brilliant comedy of wasted lives and bad decisions. And both are contained in every bottle of Life Cry. Fran brings a bottle to her friend’s hen party, assuring them all that “You know you’re going to have a good time when there’s a bleeding polar bear on the label.


5. Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Probably the most famous fictional drink ever imagined comes from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. If you want to find the meaning of life, it’s 42, but if you want to forget about life the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster will solve all your problems in one.


6. Black Frost, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Black Frost

The angry bartender at Jack’s, the bar frequented by the Buffy gang, spikes the Black Frost beer with a magical potion which reverts the drinker to a primitive Neanderthal state. Which may indicate the bartender doesn’t know what beer is actually for.


7. Mudder’s Milk, Firefly

Firefly Mudders Milk

The crew of the Firefly have endured a lot in their quest, and one of the most disgusting sounding is Mudder’s Milk: “all the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma’s best turkey dinner, plus 15 percent alcohol.” It’s described as being great for the “Mudder” slaves, feeding them up while keeping them too bleary to rebel.


8. Schraderbrau, Breaking Bad

AMC

AMC

This Breaking Bad beer was homebrewed to “silky perfection” by Walter White’s brother-in-law Hank. But drinking it would mean being even remotely connected in the White family, and that has never ended well for anybody, in any way, ever.


9. Vitameatavegamin, I Love Lucy

Vitaminvegamin

In a classic episode, Lucy starred in a TV commercial for the fictional drink with a healthy 23% alcohol, which sounds fun, but also “vitamins, meat, vegetables, and minerals”, which sounds appalling. Still, it probably tastes better than the kale smoothie we had this morning.


10. Bor’Kaan, Babylon 5

Babylon 5

Babylon 5‘s Bor’Kaan is an alien drink so strong humans can only drink it after taking an alcohol blocker. When Commander Ivanova impresses the same species, they create a human-safe version by “diluting” the drink with Russian vodka.

IFC_Portlandia-S8_best-of-skits_subaru-blog

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

IFC_Portlandia-S8_pick-a-lane_subaru-blog

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…