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DID YOU READ

The Most Portland Thing Ever: Don’t Feed the Ducks

Portlandiaducks

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For today’s Most Portland Thing Ever, Nicole Georges illustrates a submission from commenter Edster&#8212a story of what happens when two fundamental building blocks of Portland culture, uptight eco-consciousness and hands-on parenting, collide.

Behold:

i was 8 months pregnant with my second kid and was trying to squeeze in some quality time with my 3 year old. i asked him what he wanted to do that day, he said feed the ducks at laurelhurst pond. i packed up the “wild birdseed” and off we went. we found a spot where all the ducks were hanging out and he was tossing little handfuls of seed at them when a kid about 8 or 9 came by from his class and told me that i should not feed the ducks because their poop kills the fish and turtles in the pond. i asked him what the ducks should eat and he said the fish in the pond. i said “thanks for letting me know that.” but let my son finish off his little bag of seed. i looked over and the kid with about three others were giving me dirty looks and shaking their heads at me. then the teacher came by and said “i know that one of the children already mentioned it, but they have been studying this pond and it really hurts them to see people feeding the ducks. though i understand that brings a lot of pleasure too.” i seriously felt like frankenstein with a mob of third graders waving their torches at me. i collect my boy and we went to other side of the lake to check out the turtles. a few months later, the pond was drained and all the turtles were euthanized because they weren’t a native species. oh portland.

Tomorrow, we’ll post the final panel from this series of illustrated reader comments. Thanks so much to everyone for submitting such fantastically surreal stories. In Portland, truth is funnier than fiction.

Nicole Georges is an illustrator, educator, and graphic novelist based in Portland, Oregon. Her self-published autobiographical zine, Invincible Summer, has been anthologized in two volumes. She teaches self publishing and autobiographical comic workshops to children and seniors, and her first graphic novel, Calling Dr. Laura, will be released this year with Houghton Mifflin. Also, she does pet portraits.

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Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

IFC_Portlandia-S8_pick-a-lane_subaru-blog

Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…