Before they went off in their own directions, The Jonas Brothers were beloved by tweens everywhere. Which may explain why they appear in not just one, but two, of the biggest pop concert 3-D movies ever made. If you’re unfamiliar with this burgeoning subgenre, below is everything you need to know about seven of the biggest 3-D “popumentaries” out there. And be sure to catch the all grown up Joe Jonas when he appears on Comedy Bang! Bang! tonight at 11P on IFC. We can’t guarantee he’ll be 3-D, though you never know what will happen when Scott and “Weird Al” are involved.
1. Glee: The 3D Concert Movie
What Is It? A jukebox medley sing-along based on the long-running TV series/cover song hit making machine.
Big 3-D Moment: The closing credits in which a succession of fluorescent-hued cartoon Slurpies splash across the screen. Because, remember season one when everyone threw Slurpies at Lea Michele’s character? Yeah, that was a long time ago…
Concert Highlights: Although Tumblr no doubt freaked out over the Chris Colfer/Lea Michele recreation of a famous Judy Garland/Barbra Streisand duet, Gwyneth Paltrow’s sex kitten rendition of “Forget You” is by far the best part of the movie. (Didn’t she play a teacher on the show? Honestly, we’ve forgotten 90% of it. )
Celeb Sighting: Barbra Streisand’s mannerisms and vocal affectations are well-represented. But alas, no Babs herself. Sigh.
WTF Moment: Heather Morris’ stripper-style routine to Britney Spears’ “I’m a Slave for You” suggests a PG-13 rating at least. But nope, this movie’s PG.
2. Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds
What Is It? An accelerated musical puberty in which Miley sheds her flirty, virginal Disney persona then begins to vamp like a grown-up. Who knew how far she’d take THAT?!
Big 3-D Moments: A guitar pick gets flicked out at the camera (Hannah section); a drumstick gets tossed up at the camera (Miley section).
Concert Highlights: Disney pop is best consumed in small doses, which explains why the Jonas Brothers’ three-song set is the highlight here. That said, Miley’s sultry vocals for “See You Again” hint at the VMA twerking and Robin Thicke-humping to come.
Celeb Sightings: Inevitable but welcome: Miley teaches her “Achy Breaky” dad Billy Ray how to play “I Miss You,” a song about her grandfather.
WTF Moment: Continuity issues show Miley wearing a jean vest, then the vest is gone, then it’s back again. Wardrobe, I think we have a problem.
3. Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience
What Is It? Disney’s greatest band of brothers (after Huey, Dewey, and Louie) perform at Madison Square Garden, Bryant Park and Central Park while young girls’ scream at ear-piercing levels.
Big 3-D Moment: CGI pigeons fly towards the camera during the music video for “Love Is on Its Way.” As far as 3-D effects go, it’s a stretch.
Concert Highlight: With a sexy strut and his sports jacket with T-shirt ensemble, Joe Jonas channels his inner Rick Springfield for “BB Good.” Here comes trouble!
Celeb Sightings: Demi Lovato shows up to sing “This Is Me,” then Taylor Swift one-ups her by singing “Should’ve Said No.” We’re surprised this moment didn’t start a boring feud between the two pop starlets.
WTF Moment: The clearly staged scene where the producers hired girls to chase the boys in the streets of Manhattan, as if that couldn’t have just happened on its own literally anywhere they go.
4. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
What Is It? Flashbacks of Bieber’s early days as a musical prodigy turned Internet sensation lead to the pop icon’s first MSG concert. Also, lots of praying before shows.
Big 3-D Moment: There’s a very cute interruption during which Bieber and producer Ryan Good point at the camera and insist that people not text during the movie. Remember when The Biebs was adorable?
Concert Highlight: All the duets, whether they involve Boyz II Men or Ludacris, bring a bit of a thrill, but the one between Bieber and his mentor Usher (“Somebody to Love”) surely had tween girls feeling a flood of sparkles just like those that announce Usher’s arrival.
Celeb Sightings: Boyz II Men, Miley Cyrus, Ludacris, Jaden Smith, Usher, Drake, Chelsea Handler, and Snoop Dogg all rode the Biebs-wave.
WTF Moment: Justin repeatedly slaps adults in the face and they all go with it, proving that, even at 16, he was kind of a jerk.
5. Katy Perry: Part of Me
What Is It? Concert biopic including interviews with family and friends and documentation of the disintegration of her relationship with Russell Brand. (Remember “Kussell”? Did they even merit a portmanteau?)
Big 3-D Moment: The foam-shooting hose aimed at the audience tops off all the 3-D effects and shows clearly who is in control here: Katy, all the way.
Concert Highlight: While you wouldn’t wish it on anyone, the break-up with Russell Brand does add a nice bit of drama to this candy-colored popumentary, and makes Katy’s “verge of a nervous breakdown” performance in Sao Paolo unforgettable.
Celeb Sightings: Break-up queen Adele, Britney Spears, Carly Rae Jepsen, Jessie J, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Whoopi Goldberg for some reason…
WTF Moment: Those pinwheels on her breasts.
6. Kylie Minogue – Aphrodite: Les Folies Tour
What Is It? An extravagant, high-camp parade of Dolce & Gabbana showgirl costumes (sometimes worn by men) in support of Kylie’s Aphrodite album.
Big 3-D Moments: The “swimming” acrobats mid-air prior to Kylie’s entrance and the spinning aerialist above the jets of water (created by Disneyland technicians) during her finale performance of “Only Lovers.”
Concert Highlight: Kylie singing “Aphrodite” (because you can’t beat her arrival on a golden half-shell) while surrounded by male dancers in peekaboo togas.
Celeb Sighting: Does a winged man representing Icarus and hanging from the ceiling count?
WTF Moment: Your jaw may drop every time Kylie must be escorted down some stairs (even if it’s just three) because her heels are so preposterously high.
7. One Direction: This Is Us
What Is It? Morgan Spurlock’s (yes, the Super Size Me guy) earnest travelogue/92-minute advertisement follows The X Factor‘s Fab Five from London to Tokyo and beyond.
Concert Highlight: Each time you hear “What Makes You Beautiful,” you realize why young girls fill stadiums and devote their lives to this band of slick pretty boys.
Big 3-D Moments: Video game spaceships flying over the audience as well as the bubblegum pink balls which delirious fans keep afloat in Mexico City.
Celeb Sightings: Fans include Martin Scorsese, Chris Rock, and soccer great Cristiano Ronaldo.
WTF Moment: When the fivesome get mobbed in a Nike store in Amsterdam, you realize that their fans may be cannibals and the band is in mortal danger.