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Epic Movie Crispin Glover

5 Reasons Epic Movie is Too Rotten to Miss

Catch Epic Movie Friday at 8P during IFC's Rotten Fridays.

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Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox/Everett Collection

There are rotten movies, and then there is Epic Movie. From the “minds” behind Meet the Spartans and Vampires Suck comes yet another movie that mistakes dated pop culture references and cameos from the flavor of the moment for an actual plot or clever jokes. With IFC and Rotten Tomatoes celebrating this “too rotten to miss” movie Friday night at 8P, we thought we’d look back at five of the many reasons Epic Movie (2% on Rotten Tomatoes!) along with those vampires, truly sucks.

5. One Rotten Cast

Willy Wonka Epic Movie
20th Century Fox

It’s hard to explain why Crispin Glover does things. Sometimes he takes a part in Charlie’s Angels and refuses to speak, and sometimes he slaps on some pancake makeup, reminds himself he was once in Back to the Future and stifles the screams with piles of cash. That seems to be his thinking here, because there’s no way he read the “script” and thought, “Now this is a project I want to be a part of!” Nor did he look through the cast list, and realize his lifelong ambition was to share the screen with Carmen Electra, Playmate Sara Jean Underwood and a Michael Jackson impersonator.


4. White People Rapping

Lazy Sunday Epic Movie
20th Century Fox

How do you spoof a spoof? If you’re writer/directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the answer is as lazy as possible. “Lazy Pirate Afternoon” takes the clever premise, tight rhymes and inventive spark of the original SNL Digital Short, “Lazy Sunday,” and adds pirates. Because remember when Johnny Depp in eyeliner in Pirates of the Caribbean was a new thing?? It’s this sort of hack comedy math (reference + reference = joke?) that is Epic Movie‘s bread and butter. But, hey, SNL‘s Taran Killam shows up as a pirate! That’s, uh, something, right?


3. Truly Rotten Jokes

Star Wars Epic Movie
20th Century Fox

Good jokes take a premise and subvert it in some way that’s surprising, and God willing, humorous. The Epic Movie gang could use someone to lay out that simple premise, because they clearly wake up in flop sweat every morning, trying to understand what causes people to emit those laughing noises from their mouths. Their solution to this confusion seems to be ending every single shot with someone getting punched in the face, knocked to the ground or nailed in the nards. Sometimes, a Z-list celebrity is on the receiving end of the punishment. But really, it’s the audience who is suffering.


2. Dated Pop Culture Parodies

Epic Movie
20th Century Fox

Great parodies (like, say, Airplane! or Documentary Now!) lovingly recreate a genre and add a uniquely absurd twist. Epic Movie has a Cribs parody set in Narnia. It’s two dated pop culture references in one! Watching this movie now, with years of distance between us and Tim Burton’s forgettable Willy Wonka movie, just makes Epic Movie‘s spoof all the more bewildering. This is a disposable movie mocking other disposable movies, creating a void where it is virtually impossible to remember a single detail the minute the film comes to an end.


1. Seriously, So Many Rotten Parodies…

Epic Movie X-Men
20th Century Fox

After working on all of the Scary Movies, Date Movie and other cheap parodies, Friedberg and Seltzer clearly ran out of gags. How else do you explain the scene where Carmen Electra parodies Rebecca Romijn as Mystique several years after she played the role in the X-Men movies? Also, did we mention the scene is set to the overplayed Nelly Furtado song “Promiscuous”? And that Lauren Conrad from MTV’s The Hills is also there, because why not at this point? This one moment sums up everything rotten about Epic Movie.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…