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Good Golly Ms. Molly

Ranking the Guys From Molly Ringwald’s John Hughes Movies

Catch Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles during IFC's '80s Weekend.

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Photo Credit: Universal Studios

John Hughes isn’t the only one who loved Molly Ringwald throughout the 1980s. Thanks to his trio of Brat Pack movies starring the teen icon, we all did. And since her character’s biggest problem is often who is going to take her to the next school dance, we’ve decided to take a look at her many memorable suitors and rank them from lamest to dreamiest. (For more Molly, catch The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles during IFC’s ’80s Weekend.)

10. Long Duk Dong (Gedde Watanabe), Sixteen Candles

Long Duk Dong
Universal Studios

In addition to annoying Sam (Ringwald), foreign exchange student “The Donger” manages to score a date at the school dance before her. Plus, he’s got the whole dated cultural stereotype thing going against him.


9. Bryce (John Cusack), Sixteen Candles

John Cusack Sixteen Candles
Universal Studios

As one of the geeks who pines for Sam, Bryce may have some nifty gadgets but he’s barely a blip on her radar. Give it a few years, Cusack. You’ll get the girl eventually.


8. Andrew Clark (Emilio Estevez), The Breakfast Club

Universal Studios
Universal Studios

You may have missed it but at the start of their day-long detention at Shermer High School, Andrew casually invites Claire (Ringwald) to a party that very night. She brushes him off. Which leaves him with Ally Sheedy’s “basketcase” Allison styled by Claire as an in-crowd lookalike. Which probably means Andrew still wants Claire.


7. Brian Johnson (Anthony Michael Hall), The Breakfast Club

Universal Studios
Universal Studios

Brian’s the only one on the list who doesn’t openly pursue Molly, but we can totally see him pining after Claire from his desk. In fact, Brian puts his hat on his lap at one point to hide his erection then boasts of having sex with her. Right, like maybe in your mind, Brian.


6. Steff (James Spader), Pretty in Pink

pretty-spader
Paramount Pictures

Spoiled rich kid Steff has been hitting on Andie (Ringwald) in the school parking lot for years yet she won’t give him the time of day. His revenge? He trashes her to his best friend then makes her feel like a hoser at his house party. Seriously, she should ask him to the prom and then leave him hanging. This guy needs a takedown.


5. “Farmer Ted” (Anthony Michael Hall), Sixteen Candles

16-candes-2
Universal Studios

Ted’s all false bravado and his constant fawning over Ringwald’s Sam is kind of cute until he crosses the line and starts charging admission so his fellow geeks can gawk at her polka-dotted underwear. His blackout sex with a senior doesn’t bode well either. He’s young, so maybe he’ll grow out of it.


4. Jake Ryan (Michael Schoeffling), Sixteen Candles

Universal Studios
Universal Studios

Yes, dreamy Jake gets Sam a belated birthday cake and saves her from attending her sister’s wedding reception which is bound to be a bummer. But he also pawns off his drunken ex on a freshman after remarking that she’s passed out upstairs and could be done any which way. Plus he cruises Sam before he’s even single. Jake? More like jerk.


3. John Bender (Judd Nelson), The Breakfast Club

Universal Studios
Universal Studios

Bender’s so deep, he bares his soul and the cigar burn he got from his pop. He’s also the first guy to see Claire’s panties up close while she’s wearing them. By the end of the movie, he’s got her diamond earring in his palm and she’s got him in the palm of her hand.


2. Duckie (Jon Cryer), Pretty in Pink

Paramount Pictures
Paramount Pictures

Who defends Andie’s honor when Steff and the other rich kids put her down? Who’s there to escort her into the prom when Blane stands her up? Who exhibits somewhat stalker behavior by bicycling by her house every day? It’s Duckie! “Do I offend??” Yes, but we still love ya, Duck.


1. Blane (Andrew McCarthy), Pretty in Pink

Paramount Pictures
Paramount Pictures

He stood her up at her last prom but we just know he’d never do that again. I mean, he LOVES her. And frankly, she loves him. Plus, she tricked him into buying a Steve Lawrence album, for God’s sake. They both jerked each other around. Get over those abandonment issues with your mom, Andie. This one’s a keeper.

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Uncle-Buck

Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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