Stoner movies are perfect for chilling out. But just like real life, every stoner movie has at least one character who just seems determined to ruin your high. Whether they’re cops, teachers, bullies, narcs, or even clueless stoners themselves, the people on this list are the biggest buzzkills in the world of herbal filmdom.
1. Sgt. Stedenko, Cheech and Chong’s Up in Smoke
The buzzkill of all buzzkills is Sgt. Stedenko, from stoner pioneers Cheech and Chong. The stiff and clueless narcotics cop (perfectly played by Stacy Keach) appeared in Up in Smoke in 1978 and then in 1981’s Nice Dreams. The character goes all the way back to Cheech and Chong’s comedy LPs in the early ’70s, but his greatest moment is undoubtedly the “Lard Ass” scene from Up in Smoke.
2. Mr. Hand, Fast Times at Ridgemont High
“What are you people? On drugs?,” asks Ridgemont High history teacher Mr. Hand, played by veteran character actor Ray Walston. Jeff Spicoli sure is, and the condescending Mr. Hand does everything he can to make life harsh for the harmless stoner. No wonder Spicoli sizes up Mr. Hand within minutes of meeting him with the perfect phrase: “You dick!”
3. Fred O’Bannion, Dazed and Confused
Sometimes the buzzkill dicks are from closer to your own age group. In 1993’s Dazed and Confused, Ben Affleck plays Fred O’Bannion, a senior bully who took sadistic delight in the hazing ritual paddling of the stoner freshman. We all knew somebody like O’Banion in high school, and none of them ever ended up as successful as Ben Affleck.
4. Sir Smoke-a-Lot, Half Baked
Even major stoners themselves can be a buzzkill, especially when they get too baked and start chewing your ear off about their problems. That’s what Sir Smoke-a-Lot did to Dave Chappelle’s character Thurgood in the stoner classic Half Baked. To make it even worse, Sir Smoke-a-Lot was also played by Dave Chappelle. So he’s annoying himself.
5. Felicia, Friday
You would think that the biggest buzzkill in 1995’s Friday would be the psycho drug dealer Big Worm, since trying to get the $200 that’s owed to him is what the movie is about. But the buzzkill honors go to Felicia (played by Angela Means) whose annoying begging to borrow everything from a VCR to a car brings everybody down. Her place in buzzkill history was cemented when Ice Cube’s diss of her (“Bye Felicia”) became a popular meme almost as annoying as Felicia herself.
6. Randal Graves, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
We liked deadpan video store drone Randal Graves when he first appeared in Clerks back in 1994. But by the time Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back rolled around, he was a serious buzzkill who took out a restraining order to keep the slacker pot dealing duo from hanging out in front of the Quick Stop. Dude doesn’t even like Morris Day & the Time.
7. Neil Patrick Harris, Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
Nothing can harsh the mellow of a righteous stoner like the intense and creepy vibes coming off someone on hard drugs. It’s especially bad when that druggie is a totally wired Neil Patrick Harris (playing a slightly fictionalized version of himself) who is “tripping balls” on ecstasy. He ends up stealing Harold and Kumar’s car and befouling it with “love stains.” In later Harold & Kumar movies, Harris uses a branding iron on a hooker and is thrown out of Heaven by Jesus. Not cool.
8. The Nihilists, The Big Lebowski
You know what can ruin a good buzz almost immediately? Having a live marmot thrown onto your naked crotch. That’s what the sinister figures known as The Nihilists do to The Dude in the Coen Bros.’ stoner classic The Big Lebowski. Then they threaten to come back and “cut off your Johnson” and maybe stomp on it and squoosh it. That’s because they believe in nothing. Nothing! They’re nihilists, not to be confused with Nazis, who at least have an ethos.
9. Elvis Hunkee, Soul Plane
If you see Tom Arnold playing a character named Elvis Hunkee in a movie called Soul Plane, you can be damn sure that he’s playing the buzzkill. The fact that he and his family are the only white people on the Soul Plane just confirms it. The thing that makes Hunkee such a downer is his awkward cluelessness as everyone else on the plane gets higher and higher, including his own wife and kids.
10. The Chinese food drive-thru order box, Dude, Where’s My Car?
Any stoner can tell you that sometimes the biggest buzzkills come from inanimate objects. In Dude, Where’s My Car?, the usually mellow Jesse (Ashton Kucher) has his mind toyed with by the drive-thru order box at a Chinese fast food place. The nice thing about getting into it with a disembodied voice is that you’re free to react pretty much however you want. You’re probably not going to get your Chinese food, though.
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