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Conan the Barbarian

Arnie-isms

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 10 Best One-Liners

Catch the Conan the Barbarian movies this month on IFC.

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Never let it be said that Arnold doesn’t have a way with words. Sure, half of those words might be indecipherable. But the ones that land are like perfect nuggets of movie quote magic. Before you have your enemies driven before you by watching the Conan the Barbarian movies on IFC this month, take a look at some of Arnold’s funniest one-liners.

10. True Lies

You're Fired

True Lies ends with Arnie in the cockpit of a Harrier jet, and a terrorist leader hanging from one of its missiles. Which is pointing directly at a helicopter loaded with more terrorists. It’s like the universe realigned itself just to make this line possible.


9. Eraser

Luggage

Sometimes trouble is just an opportunity for further growth. And sometimes being attacked by a gigantic alligator is a chance to deliver a ridiculously specific one-liner.


8. Total Recall

It takes a lot to make 1990s Sharon Stone unappealing, but her pulling a gun and shooting at your face would definitely do it. Arnie’s Quaid is quicker on the trigger, and quicker still with the brutal one-liner.


7. Twins

When in doubt, blame the pavement. Works for Arnold in Twins, and it’ll work for you the next time someone’s face has a date with your fist.


6. Predator

Stick Around

Where other Hollywood blockbusters waste time with boring exposition, Predator prefaces the alien invader action with even more action. Arnie destroys an entire armed encampment as a mere prelude, and sharpens (pun intended) his one-liner skills in the process.


5. Last Action Hero

Last Action Hero manages to completely take the piss out of the action movie genre while also being a straight-up action movie. It also allowed Arnold to pay tribute to the Bard before he made “winter of our discontent” puns in Batman & Robin.
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4. The Running Man

Sub zero

To be honest, we’re not even sure if this line even makes sense. But that doesn’t stop us from laughing every time we hear it.


3. The 6th Day

The Sixth Day might not be the most memorable Arnold movie, but it did give us this ultimate NSFW answer to cloning.


2. Conan the Barbarian

Turns out it was Conan (and not Oprah) who told us how to live our best life. And he did it with actual clubs instead of book clubs.


1. Commando

Steam

Commando delivers more one liners for corpses than a headstone factory, and John Matrix’s line when he dispatches Bennett is easily the best. It’s the exact formula for a perfect Schwarzenegger one-liner — a short, deadly burst of “pun-ishment.”

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Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…