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DID YOU READ

Women Don’t Understand Goodfellas? Don’t Make Us Laugh

henrylaugh

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I’ll be honest, I never intentionally read the NY Post if I can help it. But this morning I, like everyone else on the Internet, was made aware of the ridiculous proclamations that writer Kyle Smith made about how women will never understand Goodfellas. Something about it being a “male fantasy” BroRomCom like Entourage or whatever. Throw in the obligatory mention of the Rat Pack and a word like “floozies,” and the stage is perfectly set for some empty-suit, white-bread wannabe to puff up his chest while sharing some fan-fiction about him relating to a bunch of hyper-masculine wise-guys in a mob flick. I can practically hear the mispronounced Italian curse words from here.

I’ve seen Goodfellas so many times that I’ve lost count. It’s one of those movies, like The Godfather, that is practically mandatory viewing if your last name ends in a vowel. Sure there are many Italian-Americans that will be quick to lambast the negative stereotype that “all Italians must be in the Mafia” (to which we all say no, because every Italian’s been taught since childhood the correct reply is “there’s no such thing as the Mafia.” After all, nobody likes a rat).

wake up henry

But my favorite part about Goodfellas, and all Mafia movies, is the side-effect it has on non-Italians, specifically the guys. It’s amusing when someone, who is about as Italian as the slice of Papa John’s pizza they probably just ate, suddenly thinks they’re the premiere authority on Goodfellas. I suddenly feel like Wesley Snipes in White Men Can’t Jump when he explains to Woody Harrelson that he can listen to Jimi Hendrix, but he can’t hear it; sure you can watch Goodfellas, but you can’t see it.

I know I have the biological handicap of owning a pair of ovaries and all, but even I know that there’s nothing about Goodfellas that is remotely like Entourage. Of course, I don’t have bro-goggles, so that may be the problem as we’ve obviously seen two completely different movies. We can’t all be winners.

Smith claims that women don’t understand the movie because they don’t understand the supposedly exclusively male art of “ball-busting.” I’m not sure if it’s something in the diets of Italian children, maybe a secret ingredient in our grandmother’s sauce, or if it’s just part of our DNA that gives us this gift. But I can assure you, it’s one that is equally bestowed on both genders. Trust me.

If one is to reduce this movie to being simply about “ball-busting,” then let’s give credit where it’s due. A large percentage of the dialogue was improvised by the predominantly Italian-American cast, including the infamous “Do I amuse you?” rant by Joe Pesci. And Lorraine Bracco, who is the only female lead in the movie, went toe-to-toe with the male dominated cast with ease because she’s an Italian chick from Brooklyn; biting sarcasm with an attitude is practically the native language.

Goodfellas Lorraine Bracco

And I don’t mean to speak on behalf of all women here, but I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that maybe the people we think are lowlifes are the guys who decide what we can and can’t “understand,” as if our tiny little brains are flooded with so much estrogen that we can’t possibly relate to anything other than boyfriend problems and shoes. By the way, as a female writer living in NYC, I’m not deluded enough to buy into Carrie Bradshaw’s fictional fairytale of $500 shoes and fabulous rent-controlled apartment, despite me being a silly girl and all.

Now don’t misunderstand, anyone can watch and enjoy Goodfellas. Clearly millions of people have and do. But if we’re going to be assigning ownership or staking claim as to who “understands it” best, I’m going to have to pull rank here. I’m pretty sure I meet the imaginary minimum vowel requirement in my name and I’m definitely sure I have the shady familial connections, and both of those requirements cancel out my unfortunate circumstances of being a “chick.”

P.S. Just because you have balls and watched Goodfellas doesn’t mean you can bust-balls. Get the f-ck outta here.

Cher Martinetti is a NYC-based writer who writes for IFC, Cracked, and Blastr. Follow her on Twitter where she’s occasionally funny by accident and/or tweeting about her dogs.

IFC_Portlandia-S8_best-of-skits_subaru-blog

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

IFC_Portlandia-S8_pick-a-lane_subaru-blog

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…