10 Signs You’re in a Zombie Movie

Posted by K Thor Jensen on March 24th

The living dead are big business, obviously, but if you watch enough zombie movies you start to see some common threads. Here are 10 things to look out for if you’re trying to keep your brains intact.

10. Safe Places Aren’t Safe

Virtually every zombie movie has a middle act where survivors hole up in what seems to be a secure location, only to have it over-run by the living dead.

9. Somebody Tries To Hide A Bite

When a zombie bites you, you either become a meal or become a zombie. But there’s always one person who gets bit and tries to deny it. Avoid this person at all costs. He’s the zombie movie equivalent of the guy at the barbecue who is hoping everyone doesn’t notice that he has mustard all over his shirt.

8. There’s A Kid Zombie

Pretty much every zombie movie since the original Night Of The Living Dead has featured the extra creep factor of a little one turned flesh-eater.

7. Unlikely Friendships Form

Survivors are always a rag-tag group of people from different walks of life who would never hang out with each other if it weren’t for the monsters trying to munch on their tasty brains.

6. Somebody Tries To Empathize With Zombies

There’s always one dumbass who can’t believe that the walking dead don’t have feelings and gets themselves chewed up for it.

5. Zombies Can Come Out Of Nowhere

Even if you’re out in the middle of an open field, it seems like massive crowds of the undead can just materialize from thin air.

4. The Government Is Bad

Whether they’re just incompetent or outright evil, the powers that be demonstrate no ability to stem the undead hordes.

3. There’s Blood Everywhere

Well, duh. For some reason, even the crustiest corpses are still full of gallons of fresh, red blood ready to be spilled.

2. Unlikely Survivors Are The Safest People

You might think that cops or soldiers would be the best at making it out alive, but it’s usually teens, moms and other normal folks.

1. The Ending’s A Downer

It’s rare as hell to find a zombie movie with a happy ending. Hell, even if one or two people survive, chances are they won’t make it too long after the credits roll.