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10 Signs You’re in a Zombie Movie

28 Weeks Later

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The living dead are big business, obviously, but if you watch enough zombie movies you start to see some common threads. Here are 10 things to look out for if you’re trying to keep your brains intact.

10. Safe Places Aren’t Safe

Virtually every zombie movie has a middle act where survivors hole up in what seems to be a secure location, only to have it over-run by the living dead.

9. Somebody Tries To Hide A Bite

When a zombie bites you, you either become a meal or become a zombie. But there’s always one person who gets bit and tries to deny it. Avoid this person at all costs. He’s the zombie movie equivalent of the guy at the barbecue who is hoping everyone doesn’t notice that he has mustard all over his shirt.

8. There’s A Kid Zombie

Pretty much every zombie movie since the original Night Of The Living Dead has featured the extra creep factor of a little one turned flesh-eater.

7. Unlikely Friendships Form

Survivors are always a rag-tag group of people from different walks of life who would never hang out with each other if it weren’t for the monsters trying to munch on their tasty brains.

6. Somebody Tries To Empathize With Zombies

There’s always one dumbass who can’t believe that the walking dead don’t have feelings and gets themselves chewed up for it.

5. Zombies Can Come Out Of Nowhere

Even if you’re out in the middle of an open field, it seems like massive crowds of the undead can just materialize from thin air.

4. The Government Is Bad

Whether they’re just incompetent or outright evil, the powers that be demonstrate no ability to stem the undead hordes.

3. There’s Blood Everywhere

Well, duh. For some reason, even the crustiest corpses are still full of gallons of fresh, red blood ready to be spilled.

2. Unlikely Survivors Are The Safest People

You might think that cops or soldiers would be the best at making it out alive, but it’s usually teens, moms and other normal folks.

1. The Ending’s A Downer

It’s rare as hell to find a zombie movie with a happy ending. Hell, even if one or two people survive, chances are they won’t make it too long after the credits roll.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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