It seems like every day Hollywood announces a new remake of some ’90s classic or non-classic. To help Hollywood ruin, er, recycle our youth, here’s what some ’90s classics would look like if they were made today, complete with new posters by Kristy Puchko. You’re welcome, Hollywood.
We all enjoyed the closing credits gags at the end of 22 Jump Street which cast Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill in various absurd sequels. So why not send them back to the ’70s for a Boogie Nights reboot?
Of course Tatum would play Dirk Diggler while Hill would channel John C. Reilly in the Reed Rothchild role. The rest of the cast would be rounded out by Christoph Waltz (Jack Horner), Amy Adams (Amber Waves), and Shailene Woodley (Rollergirl). And Don Cheadle could reprise the role of Buck Swope because every movie could use more Cheadle.
Steve Carell is already on his way to becoming the next Tom Hanks, so he might as well play one of the beloved actor’s most iconic roles.
Only this time the movie would be about Forrest’s son or something and follow his wacky misadventures and encounters with famous people throughout the ’90s and ’00s. Who wouldn’t want to see Forrest trade war stories with John Kerry???
The ’90s were all about being ironic and meta. So why not cast Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart and Adam Driver in a remake of the ’90s classic Reality Bites that is set during the ’90s? (They’ve already got the inarticulate stammering thing down, after all.)
Remember the scene where the gang sings the 1970s classic “My Sharona” in the convenience store? Well, now watch as a modern cast gets nostalgic for the ’70s while playing characters you loved from the ’90s. Uh oh! Looks like your head just exploded.
Call it sacrilege if you must. But wait until you hear the new cast: Chris Pratt (Vincent Vega), Jamie Foxx (Jules Winnfield), Scarlett Johansson (Mia Wallace), Idris Elba (Marsellus Wallace), Oscar Isaac (Butch), Jillian Bell (Honey Bunny/Yolanda), Jack O’Connell (Pumpkin/Ringo), John Goodman (The Wolf), Quentin Tarantino (Jimmie), Christopher Walken (Christopher Walken) and Joe Piscopo (The Gimp). We’ll take our million dollars now, thank you.
There’s Something About Mary
Hey, Emma Stone already went blonde for the recent Spider-Man movies. And she also had to deal with sticky fluid. So, uh, yeah, we’ll just let you fill in the blanks with this one…