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10 Movie Futures We Hope Never Come True


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By Evan Saathoff

Not a lot of filmmakers are optimists, especially filmmakers interested in standing the test of time. As a result, our cinematic visions of the future are often depressing. In honor of “The Purge” (in theaters today), a film which posits that humans will be good to one another so long as we get one night a year to kill everything in sight, here are some of the most pessimistic futures we hope never happen.

10. “Planet of the Apes”

While the “Planet of the Apes” franchise would later entertain a minor tone of hopefulness, the future world presented by the original film looks pretty dire for us humans. No only do we destroy the Earth, but we live like animals under the controlling thumb of our ape overlords. Good news if you’re an ape, though.

9. “12 Monkeys”

“12 Monkeys” isn’t hopeless because it takes place in a version of the future in which most of humanity has been wiped out and driven underground by a nasty virus. Instead, it’s hopeless because it takes place in a future where our best and brightest scientists are still kind of stupid and none of the technology works.

8. “The Terminator”

Living in the “Terminator” future is no easy task. First you have to get through a nuclear apocalypse. Then you must also survive a robot apocalypse. Not only that, but everything’s dirty enough that a viral apocalypse is likely just around the corner. That is a bunch of apocalypses. It’s no wonder everyone is so dour and humorless.

7. “Death Race 2000”

The “Death Race 2000” future, in which racers compete in a contest where killing pedestrians scores points, is a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, every time you leave the house, you run the risk of getting run over and killed. On the other hand, the reality TV is incredible.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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