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Tax Day Horror: Which of these 10 movie monsters would make the best accountant?

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It’s tax time, which is generally a horror-filled time for everybody. Payments, deductions, write-offs, receipts, finagling, questionable definitions of charitable donations, expenses, expenses, more expenses, not enough deductions – it’s all a huge headache to fund all that damn infrastructure, education and all those handy things taxes cover. You’re gonna need help to do all that math and figure it all out, right? Even your accountants can be horror stories, so why not make horror stories into accountants – and maybe they’ll turn that evil right toward the IRS instead of you? So let’s audition some horror movie icons to see how eligible they are to become CPAs.


1. JASON VOORHEES: The silent, hockey-masked machete-wielder from “Friday The 13th.”
PRO: You could practically dare the IRS to audit you with this guy as your accountant. Those clip-ons think they’re so intimidating with their rules and codes, but debtor’s prison could not intimidate him.
CON: He’s not likely to file any kind of extension for you, nor will he be all that informative about your options. Also, if you don’t pay him promptly, he will punch your head clean off.
CPA RATING: 3


2. FREDDY KRUEGER: The creepy child molester what haunts dreams in “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”
PRO: He’d be extremely handy when it comes to shredding documents that prove you’re a horrible fraudulent human being.
CON: Come on, he’s a child molester. Seriously, how did The Fat Boys let him rap with them?
CPA RATING: 3


3. PINHEAD: The demonic Cenobite follower of Leviathan from the “Hellraiser” series.
PRO: He’s the personification of pain and he’s really into imaginative forms of torture, so he’d be extremely thorough with your finances. Also, he would never be in need of a hole punch when binding your documents.
CON: As a harvester of human souls, he’s much more likely to work for the IRS than against them.
CPA RATING: 4


4. NORMAN BATES: The man with his mother in his mind from “Psycho.”
PRO: This is a guy who managed to keep a motel afloat despite murdering customers he found attractive. That’s not a good business model, but he kept it going despite a dissociative personality disorder, which means one of the people living in his mind has got to have some kind of financial know-how. Or perhaps Mother is so controlling that she even puts off debt collectors.
CON: It’s possible there’s only one personality capable of processing tax returns, and you never know if you’re going to get that one – he’ll likely have you file a lot of extensions, as he seems to be fond of prolonging things that should have ended long ago. Plus, he’ll ogle you in the shower.
CPA RATING: 4


5. LOUIS DE POINTE DU LAC: The subject in question of the “Interview with the Vampire.”
PRO: One of the few vampires who cling to their morality when granted with immortality and the thirst for the blood of humans, he’d try to give you a fair deal, and is perhaps the most trustworthy horror movie star on the list (okay, horror-ish, in this case, but still), and he’s got super-speed to get you out of there fast. He’s certainly a better choice than that douche Lestat.
CON: He’s such an empty, detached and miserable shell of a man that it would likely be hard to get him to care about something as trivial and fleeting as tax code, and he’d spend the whole appointment whining about that. Plus, he’s probably not really good at math.
CPA RATING: 4

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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