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DID YOU READ

A comic walk through sexual development in 10 steps

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Sex. Coitus. Fornication. Nooky. Bumping uglies. Whatever you call it, it’s a fact of human life and the driving force behind most everything human beings do – we want to be able to impress people enough to widen our sexual prospects. It’s not always entirely about the act itself, but the circumstances surrounding it that are more involving, but sex is everywhere and everything, especially in this day and age. Some resist, some decry, some embrace and some go too far, but sex isn’t going anywhere, and it’s always been prime fodder for stand-up comedy. Here are ten comic takes on the entire sexual journey, from just switching on as a teenager to being so old you don’t give a damn about it anymore. Let’s laugh at dirty stuff, shall we?


1. Eddie Izzard on Puberty

Ah, pubescence. That time of life where everything changes, your body goes haywire, your hormones go bananas and you start to realize just how clueless you are about how the entire social process works while first realizing that you really want to touch your friends and acquaintances and those people on the TV shows in impure ways. You may think it would be a bit different for transvestites, but Izzard’s explanation of it all is pretty universal.


2. Bill Hicks on Pornography

Where do you go when you’ve passed the pubescent point of no return and you can’t quite figure out how to talk to your prospective sexual partners yet? The glory of pornography. It used to be hidden treasure you had to seek out, and now it’s readily available to anybody with a phone. However, depending on your upbringing, you may or may not have some skewed perspective about porn – guilt, shame, sin, that sort of thing. Hicks, however, takes great pains to illustrate that pornography is a good thing, and there’s no reason for any of that reluctance to embrace it. It’s always going to be there in some form.


3. Jen Kirkman on Masturbation

Once you’ve got your pornography (although oftentimes that’s only a handy aid and not entirely necessary), you can commence with the self-exploration that is masturbation. You’ve heard countless stand-up comics talk about this – the sheer amount of stroke-gesturing alone that takes place on the comedy stage defies measure. However, Kirkman makes a solid point that it’s not the same for women – be it with equal acceptance with talking about it on stage or in reality trying to figure out how to pleasure themselves. It’s a different headspace they often have to get into, and meticulously constructed fantasies aren’t easy to maintain for the length of time it takes to bring oneself to the tipping point.


4. Laurie Elliott on First Times

Eventually, of course, most people find their way through the maze of social minefields and manage to convince somebody as clueless as they are to take a chance and give sex the ol’ high school or college try. There are often surprises afoot here, though, and one of the more unusual ones is described by the “adorkable” Elliott here amidst her other sexual misadventures – namely, what happens when the first sight of your partner’s junk is actually somewhat terrifying?


5. The Higgins Boys & Gruber on Experimentation

Once the hurdle of virginity has been overcome, the time comes to start figuring out exactly what you like. That takes a lot of vigorous experimentation that can sometimes get a little weird, depending on whether or not your hormones are runnin’ as wild as Hulkamania. The Higgins Boys and Gruber explore that exploration in a saucy bit of sketch comedy wherein two men are taking a survey on their sexual habits and learn the extent of their own freakiness.

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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