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DID YOU READ

10 ways to survive high school (according to movies and TV)

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6. Befriend foreign exchange students

If your budget doesn’t allow for the purchases of services from professional ladies of the night, you may then want to investigate your school’s foreign exchange programs. While you might happen upon a farcical racial stereotype, you may also be able to rescue someone from being relentlessly hit on by their host family’s socially inept teenage offspring. There’s also a slim chance that you’ll hit the jackpot of “super hot person who will get casually naked in your bedroom for the webcam delight of all your friends.” Although the more you think about that, the more it seems pretty damn creepy.


7. Sing and dance all the time

There are times in high school when you feel like everybody hates you, or everyone’s against you, or you’ve had your heard broken so hard it seems like the end of the world. However, it makes everything better when you’ve got a song in your heart and you are capable of busting high quality moves. Even in the depths of teen angst, it will give you a healthy dose of glee to lighten things up, and all your classmates will love your singing and dancing. Unless they’re all jealous, or you’ve just out-danced them in front of the whole school.


8. Learn a skill via a montage

Most teenagers have a deep-seated fear that they aren’t special, and that they have nothing really to offer, and they are deathly afraid that that fact may be called out by the peers they’re trying to impress. One of the best ways to counter this problem is to take up an interesting hobby like karate or the footballings or some kind of musical instrumentation. This will make you special and therefore will win friends and influence people to sweep the leg when they shouldn’t.


9. Never trust any adults

Nobody who has ever graduated high school and actually grown up knows anything about anything, so never listen to any of those people. Lie to them at every turn and con them as much as possible for you own personal gain. If they hold a position of authority at your school, their sole purpose in life is to ruin yours. Do not let them. You are far too young and clever, remember.


10. Be excellent to eachother

This will serve you well in both movieland and in real life. Do not be a dick. Treat people how you would like to be treated, which is with excellence. You shouldn’t need Abraham Lincoln to tell you this, but sometimes people need the reminder that being excellent to each other is the easiest way to facilitate partying on, dude. Also, having a time machine helps.

Do you have any high school survival tips? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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