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DID YOU READ

Ten Sacred Cows Destroyed By Doug Stanhope

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Last year, on Louis C.K.’s breakout hit series “Louie,” Doug Stanhope played Eddie, an old friend and peer of Louie’s who hadn’t found any success in comedy, nor any happiness in life. Sharing Louie’s low tolerance for bullshit, Eddie confided in him that he was just passing through town on his way to Boston, where he would do his final show before killing himself. Every argument Louie tries to muster to convince him otherwise is quickly and brutally shot down, and eventually, he has to just acquiesce to Eddie’s intentions and bid him farewell. With a strong performance from both men, they destroyed the common wisdom that suicide should never be a viable option.

The more viscerally affecting part of that episode is that Eddie doesn’t seem all that far removed from Stanhope himself, aside from the quality of his comedy. Stanhope’s stage persona is a nihilistic man who has to blind himself on alcohol and drugs to enjoy any small part of the bleak, unending hellscape of existence, but as he often says, he’s funnier when he’s drunk, which means he’s not blinding himself at all. His methodology is to attack and deconstruct with brutal efficiency not just the garden variety bullshit of pop culture that most comedians mock, but also the much more deeply held bullshit beliefs that we don’t often remember to question – and it’s never without controversy. Here are ten sacred cows that Doug Stanhope has verbally destroyed.


1. Royalty

We’ll start with an easy one that still comes with an edge. Most folks in America realize how ridiculous the obsession with England’s royal family is, but few people will actually go overseas and tell the Queen’s subjects that they’re backwoods simpletons and “bootlicking fucking supplicants” for allowing the whole outdated institution of “leeches” to continue to exist. “Do you have wizards and fairies, too?”


2. Hard work is a virtue

That’s something you tend to believe instinctively – success is achieved through hard work and the discipline to keep working hard. Stanhope begs to differ, citing his own career path was carved out through drinking, smoking and drugs. Let him explain how even his Alcoholics Anonymous friends have had to give up and admit that drinking serves him well.


3. Dying young is a tragedy

Touching on the concept of his turn on “Louie,” Stanhope tells us exactly why the early deaths of artists like Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix and Lenny Bruce might’ve been for the best, and how he may be approaching that point himself.


4. Children

Continuing the “death is good” theme, Stanhope takes the genuine desire to better the state of the world through environmentalism and dismisses it as ineffectual in dealing with the real problem – the fact that you want to have children in a world that’s desperately overpopulated and can’t handle any more people. Thus, abortion is green.


5. Sex

Yes, even this, the core drive of many people’s existences, the instinctive all-consuming desire to copulate with others, is torn apart as pretty pathetic and shameful. “It’s not bad. It’s free fun for poor people,” he admits, before explaining it’s such a monumental anticlimax and so ridiculously overblown that it completely stunts our potential as a species.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…