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DID YOU READ

What to watch this week on IFC: May 7 – 13

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May flowers may be out, but we wouldn’t know. We stayed inside all weekend making sure that everything we’re airing on IFC is good enough to show you our trusted viewers. Good news! It is. Now that we’ve tested the water, tasted the Kool Aid, and prepared an incredible smorgasborg of fun-filled television we can share our scientifically-tested results. Although in full disclosure we’re not scientists. More like Swedish Chefs of good television.

Here’s what to watch this week on IFC:

Monday

“Lord of War” starts at 8/7c, so you’ll want to stock up your arsenal …of snacks! The film stars Nicolas Cage as an opportunistic businessman who has no qualms about selling off Soviet weapons to the highest bidder. An Interpol agent (Ethan Hawke) becomes convinced Orlov isn’t playing by the rules and a game of high stakes cat and mouse ensues. Inspired by a true story, “Lord of War” also features Jared Leto, Ian Holm, Bridget Moynahan, and Donald Sutherland.

Tuesday

We can all agree that cake is good. Even if it is some gluten-free monstrosity covered in vegan frosting, it’s still cake and still good. So there’s no doubt that “Layer Cake” is excellent because it is covered in Daniel Craig. He plays a mid-level drug dealer who must perform two final tasks for his boss (Kenneth Cranham) before he can quit the business for good. Watch and learn at 8/7c.

Wednesday

Like “The Walking Dead”? Trick question: Of course you do! One of the show’s standout zombie killers is Daryl Dixon, played by Norman Reedus. As many of you astute IFC fans know, Reedus got his start in “The Boondock Saints, ” where he played a killer, not of the undead, but of members of the mob. In the film he and his onscreen brother (Sean Patrick Flanery) accept a mission from God to start taking out members of Boston’s underworld. It’s like “The Blues Brothers,” but with a lot more guns. Watch for yourself at 8/7c.

Thursday

Vampires are sooooo last year. We’re all about werewolves now, especially werewolf movies that star Christina Ricci and Jesse Eisenberg. Luckily we’re showing “Cursed” at 8/7c, which, you should note, is well before the full moon.

Friday

Whatcha doing tonight? Doesn’t matter, because you’ll want to cancel whatever puny plans you have made so you can stay home and watch “Die Hard”. Luckily, we’re nice and we’re showing it twice at both 8 and 10:45 p.m. ET. If your neighbors wonder why you’re yelling “YIPPEEE-KI-YI-YAY MOTHERFUCKER!” over and over again, invite them over to watch. By the way, you may want to look at what we’re showing tomorrow night.

Saturday

That’s right, you can Die Hard all weekend. Die Hard, Die Harder, eat a pizza, do it all again. We’re showing “Die Hard 2” at 8 and 11 p.m. ET. We know how to do a weekend. Psst: Check out tomorrow’s listing.

Sunday

Did you think we were done? It’s not a Die Hard marathon without “Die Hard With a Vengeance”! It’s Sunday, so you can go ahead and the sweet baby Jesus for a third installment of one of the best action series yet. In this one, our hero John McClane has been (gasp!) suspended from the police force. So he does what any reasonable person would do and enlists Samuel L. Jackson (masquerading as a Harlem shopkeeper) to help stop a terrorist bomber (Jeremy Irons in a beater tee!) Fun starts at 8 and again at 10:45 p.m. ET.

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Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…