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DID YOU READ

The 25 best animal attacks in movie history (with video)

A scene from "Jaws"

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“Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus” (2009)

Just sit down, nervous airplane passenger dude, you’ll make it to your wedding tomorrow. . . that is, unless a fish the size of Ohio leaps out of the ocean and bites us out of the sky. Now there’s a romantic tragedy that for some reason completely eluded Shakespeare — good thing we now have “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus” to fill the creative void. Warning: this video clip is the viewing equivalent of a Lays potato chip — no one can watch it just one time. Dear lord, someone made this movie.


“Monkey Shines” (1988)

Another classy B-movie from classy horror maestro George Romero, “Monkey Shines” tells the touching (at least for a while) tale of a recent quadriplegic (Jason Beghe) whose life is given hope and meaning again when he meets Ella, a genetically altered monkey who moves in with him and becomes both his assistant and best friend. Ella’s been injected with human brain tissue, which gives her heightened intelligence — and, unfortunately, rather extreme emotions, as evidenced by the murderous jealousy she feels once her master starts going down on a pretty lady specialist and monkey expert (Kate McNeil). Lots of nasty fun to be had here, with some truly gruesome death scenes (apparently, with heightened intelligence also comes a macabre imagination); Ella’s vocal effects come courtesy of — you guessed it — Frank Welker.


“Monty Python and the Holy Grail” (1975)

Behold what is without a doubt the most terrifying beast in the history of cinema, now and forever. This monster’s ruthlessness knows no bounds and its appetite has no limits. Some people fear sharks and bears and rat-bat-pigs; those monsters are but trifles compared to the hairy demon with nasty, big, pointy teeth that lurks in the Cave of Caerbannog. Thank God and his mighty beard for the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, the only weapon that can defeat such unholy evil. Horrible!


“Night of the Lepus” (1972)

“How many eyes does horror have? How many times will terror strike?” MGM renamed this film from its original title, “Rabbits,” and avoided including the animals in most promotional materials to try to keep the mutant creatures a secret (except from the one or two people who knew what “lepus” means); however, the studio itself let the rabbit out of the hat by handing out rabbit’s feet as promotional materials before the release. The fabled luck such items are supposed to bring didn’t work on the film, as it was widely panned for being, well, stupid — 40 years later, we can now recognize this creature feature as the work of art it actually is. Based on William F. Claxton’s 1964 science fiction novel “The Year of the Angry Rabbit,” a title that implies these little devils wrecked havoc for at least 365 long, blood-soaked days.


“Piranha” (1978)

2010’s Piranha 3D blew this premise out of the water (literally), but the original “Piranha” is not without its low-budget charms — and its share of amusing kill scenes. Consider this to be director Joe Dante’s warm-up (or hose-down) to the classic that would be “Gremlins” as hapless teenagers and future Dante regulars (such as Kevin McCarthy as Dr. Robert Hoak, lead scientist of a defunct Vietnam War project that’s to blame for this mess) do battle in the water (and sometimes out of it) with the ravenous fishies with really sharp teeth (and insatiable appetites for human flesh). Dante gets the most out of his non-budget, making this a much more successful B-movie than James Cameron’s even more absurd and perhaps too-ambitious follow-up, “Piranha II: The Spawning.” Written by John Sayles, who would go on to pen Dante’s next clever genre film, “The Howling.”

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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