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DID YOU READ

The top ten bar fights in movies (with video)

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“Inglourious Basterds” (2009)

The slow-burn tension of the basement bar sequence in Quentin Tarantino’s “Inglourious Basterds” is almost unbearable, and when it finally explodes in a brief but furious shoot-out, it’s like the spirit of the Wild West suddenly possessed WWII-era Germany. Think back on when you saw the amazing “Basterds” for the first time; you had no idea what was going to happen once one patron started questioning the particular accent of another (of all things), but you had a feeling it wasn’t going to be good — and it ends up being really not good (though, in true Tarantino fashion, oddly humorous as well). This scene also features Michael Fassbender around the time when he was just about to become the MICHAEL FASSBENDER we know today, a guy who isn’t afraid to show his schlong (whether Oscar gives a damn or not) — or take a bullet (or several) for the good fight against the Nazis.


“Knockaround Guys” (2002)

What damn fool would ever challenge freakin’ Vin Diesel about anything? The damn fool in “Knockaround Guys” is played by Kevin Gage, who played another damn fool in Michael Mann’s “Heat” (as a psycho-idiot member of Robert De Niro’s gang o’ thieves), so really it might be a good thing that Richard B. Riddick himself knocks some sense into him before he goes and does something really damn foolish. Really, if you have the balls/lunacy to actually spit on Vin Diesel’s jeans, you deserve everything that’s coming to you — and what’s coming is a brief speech about what it takes to be a “legitimate tough guy” before commencing with a major face-pounding (Diesel gets to “act” before he acts, so to speak). Meanwhile, Seth Green hangs out in the corner being taunted by an animatronic cowboy: “Howdy, sidewinder — take your best shot!”


“Fight Club” (1999)

“There’s a sign out front that says ‘Lou’s Tavern.’ I’m fu**in’ Lou.” “Fight Club” is, of course, full of fights, and most of them take place underneath a dive bar known as Lou’s Tavern. However, when Lou himself gets wind of what’s going on in the basement of his fu**in’ place, he makes a surprise appearance at one of the club meetings and tries to kick everyone out. Tyler Durden’s taunts provoke Lou into punching the Club President in the face a few times, which only causes Tyler to become seemingly completely unhinged; he ends up pinning Lou to the floor and screaming in the bar owner’s face, which is soon covered in Tyler’s blood, spittle and God knows what else (you never know what “bonus liquids” you’ll get in a David Fincher movie). Needless to say, Lou lets the crazy man and his friends keep their little basement clubhouse.


“The Replacements” (2000)

We love that the bar in this underrated football comedy about underrated football underdogs is called “The Endzone.” Trouble starts brewing at this watering hole (is the bartender referred to as “the waterboy?”) when a bunch of jerks show up and start taunting the deaf underdog; after a slow dolly in on his face, Keanu Reeves jumps to his teammate’s defense, which leads to an epic football player fight complete with a rampaging Jon Favreau and a hard-kicking Rhys Ifans (“Let’s play football, bitch!” — he’s not called Nigel ‘The Leg’ Gruff for nothing). It ends with everyone in jail, where Reeves asks, “Can’t we all just get along?” and, at Orlando Jones’ urging, they all break into a rousing rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive,” which is what was playing on the juke box at the top of the bar scene (even though Jones had selected a Commodores song). Football is awesome.


“Romeo Must Die” (2000)

It isn’t top-billed Jet Li who participates in the bar fight of “Romeo Must Die” but rather the super-suave Russell Wong, who looks all sorts of cool and classy in his black suit and red shirt as he takes on opponents who also know martial arts; the resulting controlled chaos comes across more like dancing than brawling, but it’s most certainly well-choreographed dancing featuring very good, er, dancers. For the record, saying “And don’t come back, zipperhead!” is a surefire way to get a person to not leave a room and but rather to commence with the kicking, punching and bottle-breaking; the fun comes to an end via a DMX intervention, which features his truly awful “Guns don’t kill people; PEOPLE kill PEOPLE” speech. DMX hates fun.


What are your favorite movie bar fights? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook or Twitter.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

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Cancel it!

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Forgotten America

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Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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