I know what you’re thinking: “Another Jason Statham movie? Ugh, they’re all the same.” Yes they’re all the same: they’re all incredible awesome. Now be quiet and enjoy the awesomeness of the “Safe” trailer:
Here’s what I like about the “Safe” trailer:
1. It stars Jason Statham. This should probably be reasons one thru five, but I’ll continue on, pointlessly, explaining the other cool things about this trailer.
2. Statham apparently plays Luke Wright, “the Big Apple’s hardest cop, once upon a time” and he also seems to be Russian as well. So why does he still sound British most of the time? Because he’s an action star, and action stars (and Michael Caine for some reason) always have accents that don’t belong to their characters (see: Schwarzenegger, Van Damme). At the end of the trailer, Statham tries actually speaking Russian, and it’s the most charmingly wonky Russian accent on film since Sean Connery in “The Hunt For Red October.”
3. The title card at the end of the trailer appears over a safe. So it’s not just a movie about keeping a little girl with important knowledge safe from the Chinese and Russian mobs: it’s a movie about safe cracking too! I’m just bummed they didn’t find a spot for the image of a baseball player sliding into home while the umpire yells “SAFE!”
4. “Safe” opens just a few months after David Gordon Green’s “The Sitter,” another film about adventures in babysitting. That means one more movie and we’ve got a trend piece, baby! I can’t wait to make these two a double feature, too.
5. We’re getting dangerously close to a meme devoted solely to Jason Statham jumping out of windows in movies. In his last big action flick, “Killer Elite,” he jumped out of a window while still tied to a chair. In “Safe,” Statham appears to jump out of a window using a bad guy as a portable landing cushion.
In closing: Statham. Statham Statham Statham. Jason Statham.