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The top 10 worst movie threats faced by Texas

The top 10 worst movie threats faced by Texas (photo)

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Movies haven’t always been kind to Texas. “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure” and “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” both showcased the warmhearted souls and hospitality that the Lone Star State is known for. Horror filmdom and Quentin Tarantino, however, almost as a rule tend to focus on the state’s sinister side.

“Texas Killing Fields” — now in theaters — joins that tradition of fright and lawlessness this year, and it is no accident that the events of director Ami Canaan Mann’s tale ended up being set in the rural bayous of Texas City. Despite the horrible series of killings that takes place there, the characters in the movie get off rather easy, considering everything that Texas has been through.

Here are ten of the worst things that filmmakers have thrown at Texans.


10. The Apollo 13 lunar mission, “Apollo 13” (1995)

Spoiler alert: Everything worked out in the end. Even if it hadn’t, though, Mission Control in Houston has a rich legacy of high-stakes, high-tech drama. Ron Howard’s direction and Ed Harris and Kathleen Quinlan’s Oscar-nominated performances just made the material more interesting. You’ll note that all of the immediate physical danger took place outside of Texas’ borders, but “Apollo 13” cut to the heart of the tension experienced by NASA’s people on the ground.


9. The Life of George W. Bush, “W.” (2008)

Actor Josh Brolin and director Oliver Stone painted a painful picture of President George W. Bush in this acidic comedy that subjected the former Texas governor to an unflattering depiction in the tradition of John Travolta’s thinly-veiled poke at President Bill Clinton in 1998’s “Primary Colors.” Stone’s wince-inducing ride through Bush’s life can make you feel like Bush and Texas alike survived each other thanks to a great deal of luck.


8. Bodies in the bayou, “Texas Killing Fields” (2011)

Chloë Moretz plays a girl in danger in a small Texas town where a series of brutal unsolved murders has occurred. As a detective from New York City, Brian Heigh (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) gets a few introductions to Texas culture over the course of his investigation, and anyone who has never visited a Texas bayou before seeing this film may think twice before scheduling their next vacation in the region.


7. The sport of Rollerball, “Rollerball” (1975)

If you thought Enron was a force of evil in the world, “Rollerball” could very well make you feel better about today’s most powerful corporations. In director Norman Jewison’s film, a company out of Houston called the Energy Corporation tries to force its all-star athlete Jonathan E. (James Caan) to retire from a popular extreme sport similar to roller derby. When he refuses, they up the difficulty of his matches to a deadly level. Thankfully, this could never happen in real life. Right?


6. Anton Chigurh’s killing spree, “No Country for Old Men” (2007)

Chigurh (Javier Bardem) turned out to be just about the creepiest killer ever to trouble Texas in a movie, even if he was also one of the softest spoken. Recurring Texan portrayers Josh Brolin and Tommy Lee Jones get drawn into the mayhem surrounding Chigurh’s quest to reclaim a bag of money, and one by one, the bodies hit the floor.


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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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