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Lars von Trier readies hardcore sex flick “Nymphomaniac”

Lars von Trier readies hardcore sex flick “Nymphomaniac” (photo)

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Oh, Lars von Trier. You make such great fodder for headlines. Just look at these things!

“Lars von Trier on ‘Nymphomaniac’: ‘I can’t make a film about the sexual evolution of a woman without showing penetration'”
“Lars von Trier: ‘Nymphomaniac will show penetration'”
“Lars Von Trier: Entre la censura y el sexo explícito”

Not el sexo explícito! Won’t someone please think of the niños?

Yes, Lars von Trier’s new film “Melancholia” hasn’t even hit American theaters yet (it opens on November 11), but the dependably controversial Danish director is already talking up his next project, a film entitled “Nymphomaniac” that will — nay, must! — feature shots of sexual penetration. Now, if just about any other internationally regarded master director announced his next flick would feature hardcore sex, it would be major news. But for Lars von Trier — who featured super-arty penetration shots (and a whole lot more) in his “Antichrist” — this is just another day at the office.

(Also if you picked August 2, 2011 in the What Day Will Matt Write “Super-Arty Penetration Shots” on Poll, congratulations; you are the big winner.)

Speaking with Entertainment Weekly, which describes the project as the story of “the sexual evolution of a woman from birth to age 50,” von Trier said that “as a cultural radical” he couldn’t possibly “make a film about the sexual evolution of a woman from zero to 50 without showing penetration.” For the love of all that is good in this world, Lars, please let the penetration shots happen as far away from the zero end of the spectrum as possible.

von Trier also promises that the film, which he concedes might need to be released in multiple cuts to appease various international censorship bodies, will not simply be a porn film. “It principally is a film with a lot of sex in it and also a lot of philosophy,” he told EW. Again, if you’ve seen “Antichrist,” you have to take him at his word. That movie had some hardcore nudity, but only a truly demented individual would call it porn. And you’d have to be demented not to want to see what the wildly innovative and always interesting von Trier does with this material. “Nymphomaniac” is tentatively scheduled to go into production next summer.

Are you ready for more hardcore von Trier? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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