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Schwarzen-Watch: Arnold’s comeback is back.

Schwarzen-Watch: Arnold’s comeback is back. (photo)

Posted by on’s film writer, Matt Singer, is the biggest Arnold Schwarzenegger fan on the planet. He blogs any time any news about Schwarzenegger’s return to acting, no matter how flimsy or improbable, hits the Internet.

For Arnold Schwarzenegger fans, spring of 2011 was a time of great excitement — with Arnold prepping two different films and an autobiographical animated series — and then a time of crushing disappointment on multiple levels, when all those projects were put on hold in the wake of Schwarzenegger’s paternity scandal.

It’s been almost two months since our last Schwarzen-Watch update. Since then, the Schwarzen-Watch offices have been hushed in funereal silence, but now, courtesy Nikki Finke at Deadline, comes a ray of hope. Finke reports that Schwarzenegger’s comeback will finally commence this September with the film “Last Stand,” which will also mark the English-language directorial debut of Kim Ji-woon, the brilliantly talented Korean filmmaker behind the revisionist Western “The Good, The Bad, the Weird” and this year’s sadistically entertaining serial killer thriller “I Saw the Devil.” That is an unlikely and exciting pairing of cinematic titans, like when Hulk Hogan and Macho Man got together to form the Mega Powers.

So what’s “Last Stand?” And why the hell isn’t there a “The” in the title? Here’s what one Lionsgate executive told Finke:

“It’s an old-fashioned Western specifically designed for a 63-year-old broken-down guy with a moral decision whether Arnold decides to stand up for his town. We always needed an iconic figure for it.”

And here’s how Kim Ji-woon described the project to last Februrary, back when Liam Neeson was still attached to star (he throws the otherwise missing ‘the’ into the title):

“My concept for ‘The Last Stand’ is that it’s kind of a combination of ‘Die Hard’ and ‘High Noon’ where (the latter) was about protecting something very important that needs to be protected, while ‘Die Hard’ is a very drawn-out, long process that almost kills someone in the process, so my film will be something that has to be very well protected and in the process, we almost die protecting it in a way.”

Sounds a little similar in subject matter to “Cry Macho” one of the lost Schwarzenegger revival projects, which also about a broken down older guy who musters his courage and strength for a one-last-hurrah type of mission, in that case to kidnap and then protect a child. “Last Stand” has simpatico end-of-the-West themes but without the orphaned kid component which, after a, y’know, well-publicized paternity scandal, was probably not something Schwarzenegger was all that hot to deal with. Finke reports the budget for “Last Stand” at $30 million, which, if true, would be Schwarzenegger’s most modestly sized picture in decades. Another interesting wrinkle in this most interesting comeback. I just hope nothing derails it this time. Please, Arnold: do not father anymore children. My sensitive heart just can’t take the strain.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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