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A baseball movie All-Star team

A baseball movie All-Star team (photo)

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Tonight is baseball’s annual All-Star game and to honor the occasion The Wall Street Journal put together their own all-star team, a sort of fantasy fantasy baseball roster: the greatest fictional ball players in movie history.

You should go over and check out for the whole roster but I’ll say this for the piece’s author, the aptly named Jared Diamond: he put together a team with very few holes. There are obvious movie ball players that jump to mind: of course Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn (Charlie Sheen) will be the movie All-Stars’ closer; of course Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford) from “The Natural” will be in left field. But Diamond didn’t forget the obscure choices either. He’s got the legendary Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez (Mike Vitar) from “The Sandlot,” and he even put the titular monkey from Matt LeBlanc’s “Ed” as a utility player on the bench. Smart move: “Ed” may be one of the most hideous family movies ever committed to celluloid, but goddamn that monkey had a rocket for an arm.

Billy Chapel (Kevin Costner) from “For Love of the Game,” Jack Elliot (Tom Selleck) from “Mr. Baseball,” Henry Rowengartner (Thomas Ian Nicholas) from “Rookie of the Year,” they’re all here. I love baseball and I love baseball movies; a few years ago, I wrote a whole week’s worth of articles about real-life baseball All-Stars playing themselves onscreen. I could only think of one player who got snubbed: Bernie Mac’s Stan Ross from “Mr. 3000.” Granted, the Ross of the film is all washed up. But assuming we can get the Stan Ross of his prime — and since you’d only want a guy like Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez if you could have the version that became a sensation for the L.A. Dodgers after the events in the film — he’s an easy choice. The man had (almost) 3,000 hits and he’s a guaranteed hall of famer. I’d want him on the bench as my backup first baseman over Kelly Leak (Jackie Earle Haley) from “The Bad News Bears” who is a great player but is, all things considered, a little kid.

The real question is: are the movie All-Stars good enough to take on the real All-Stars? I’m not so sure. We’ve got a few children on here and, yeah, at least one monkey. Then again, it seems like half of the Major League All-Stars selected this year are too injured to play. Maybe they’ve got a shot. And if Enrico Pallazzo (a.k.a. Leslie Nielsen’s Frank Drebin from “The Naked Gun”) is umpiring the game as per Diamond’s excellent suggestion, anything is possible.

Who’s missing from the Movie All-Star Team? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter!


The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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