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Top Five Pop Star Perfumes No One Should Have To Smell

Top Five Pop Star Perfumes No One Should Have To Smell (photo)

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Attaching their name to a perfume and marketing it to their fans is a right of passage for the lamestream pop star. Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Avril Lavigne, Gwen Stefani, JLo, and Hilary Duff all have brands and the list goes on with Justin Bieber boldly joining the female dominated fragrance field.

Lady Gaga is getting into the sicky sweet fumes business too with a fragrance that contains her blood, supposedly feels like semen, and smells like an expensive hooker. The odor, dubbed “Monster” comes out Spring 2012 so you’ll have to satisfy your olfactory needs the old fashioned way until then. In the meantime, here are the top five pop star fragrances we don’t want to smell on you.



5. Hilary Duff — “With love”

When not trying to act, Hilary Duff market’s her scent, “With Love,” which she said inspired her song of the same name. She even carries a giant bottle of it around with her in the video for “With Love,” to spritz on for well-dressed male fans/stalkers.

Smells like: Duff’s fearful musk let loose in a catfight with Faye Dunaway, strong hints of overripe fruit.



4.Mariah Carey — “Lollipop Bling,” “Forever,” “Luscious Pink,” any other fragrance by Mariah Carey

I’ve lost count of how many perfumes Mariah Carey has had concocted with her name on them. Her latest line alone has three different styles, all called “Lollipop Bling,” something — “Honey,” “Mine Again,” etc. The name tells you all you need to know, but just in case, there are dozens of fan-made YouTube videos to wow you. Who buys this stuff? This chick does, “She could put out a line of fragrances that smell like pesticide, and I would still buy it, because it has her name on it,” she reveals.

Smells like: A floriental fruity combo of high fructose corn syrup, bombed Glitter and wet butterflies.



3. Avril Lavigne — “Forbidden Rose”

The twinkly derivative “Harry Potter” sounding score in Avril Lavigne’s “Forbidden Rose” perfume commercial makes it almost appealing… until her voice comes in. At least it makes more sense then what she does in this music video for “What The Hell,” which has her shamelessly spraying tons of her own perfume brand — she can’t stop, she’s having too much fun.

Smells like: Black nail polish, ersatz punk droppings, with notes of jailbait.



2. Britney Spears — “Hold It Against Me”

If Britney Spears doesn’t have quite as many fragrances as Mariah Carey, she makes up with it with sheer tween branding power — not to mention incredibly creative names like “Midnight Fantasy,” “Hidden Fantasy,” and seriously, “Circus Fantasy.” Her newest potion breaks new barriers for her in imaginative titling. Called simply, “Radiance,” she also features it prominently in her video “Hold It Against Me.”

Smells like: A hair scrunchie left on the floor of a Sephora with a cacophony of of gold-plated trailer park and Mouseketeer tears.


1. Justin Bieber — “Someday”

Bieber’s scent promises that, someday, he’ll catch a whiff of you wearing his perfume and then he’ll whisk you away into the clouds where you’ll ride around on his back and he won’t be able to stop smelling your neck. Bieber says his proceeds from the perfume go to charity, but that’s only a portion — the fragrance line is still expected to net Biebs $30 million. Just watch him snarl when he says “charity” in this promo video, it’s not even subtle. You don’t need to be an expert in applied psychology and microexpressions to see his distaste for it.

Smells like: Plastic hearts, Kool-Aid mustache, with a bouquet of hair swoosh and broken teen girl dreams.

Did we miss your favorite scent? Are you huffing some Eau de Biebs right now? Let us know in the comments below or on Twitter or Facebook!

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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WTF Films

Artfully Off

Celebrity All-Star by Sisters Weekend is available now on IFC's Comedy Crib.

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Sisters Weekend isn’t like other comedy groups. It’s filmmaking collaboration between besties Angelo Balassone, Michael Fails and Kat Tadesco, self-described lace-front addicts with great legs who write, direct, design and produce video sketches and cinematic shorts that are so surreally hilarious that they defy categorization. One such short film, Celebrity All-Star, is the newest addition to IFC’s Comedy Crib. Here’s what they had to say about it in a very personal email interview…

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IFC: How would you describe Celebrity All-Star to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Celebrity All-Star is a short film about an overworked reality TV coordinator struggling to save her one night off after the cast of C-List celebrities she wrangles gets locked out of their hotel rooms.

IFC: How would you describe Celebrity All-Star to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Sisters Weekend: It’s this short we made for IFC where a talent coordinator named Karen babysits a bunch of weird c-list celebs who are stuck in a hotel bar. It’s everyone you hate from reality TV under one roof – and that roof leaks because it’s a 2-star hotel. There’s a magician, sexy cowboys, and a guy wearing a belt that sucks up his farts.

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IFC: What was the genesis of Celebrity All-Star?

Celebrity All-Star was born from our love of embarrassing celebrities. We love a good c-lister in need of a paycheck! We were really interested in the canned politeness people give off when forced to mingle with strangers. The backstory we created is that the cast of this reality show called “Celebrity All-Star” is in the middle of a mandatory round of “get to know each other” drinks in the hotel bar when the room keys stop working. Shows like Celebrity Ghost Hunters and of course The Surreal Life were of inspo, but we thought it
was funny to keep it really vague what kind of show they’re on, and just focus on everyone’s diva antics after the cameras stop rolling.

IFC: Every celebrity in Celebrity All-Star seems familiar. What real-life pop personalities did you look to for inspiration?

Sisters Weekend: Anyone who is trying to plug their branded merch that no one asked for. We love low-rent celebrity. We did, however, directly reference Kylie Jenner’s turd-raison lip color for our fictional teen celebutante Gibby Kyle (played by Mary Houlihan).

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IFC: Celebrity seems disgusting yet desirable. What’s your POV? Do you crave it, hate it, or both?

Sisters Weekend: A lot of people chase fame. If you’re practical, you’ll likely switch to chasing success and if you’re smart, you’ll hopefully switch to chasing happiness. But also, “We need money. We need hits. Hits bring money, money bring power, power bring fame, fame change the game,” Young Thug.

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IFC: Who are your comedy idols?

Sisters Weekend: Mike grew up renting “Monty Python” tapes from the library and staying up late to watch 2000’s SNL, Kat was super into Andy Kaufman and “Kids In The Hall” in high school, and Angelo was heavily influenced by “Strangers With Candy” and Anna Faris in the Scary Movie franchise, so, our comedy heroes mesh from all over. But, also we idolize a lot of the people we work with in NY-  Lorelei Ramirez, Erin Markey, Mary Houlihan, who are all in the film, Amy Zimmer, Ana Fabrega, Patti Harrison, Sam Taggart. Geniuses! All of Em!

IFC: What’s your favorite moment from the film?

Sisters Weekend: I mean…seeing Mary Houlihan scream at an insane Pomeranian on an iPad is pretty great.

See Sisters Weekend right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib

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