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Top Five Pop Star Perfumes No One Should Have To Smell

Top Five Pop Star Perfumes No One Should Have To Smell (photo)

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Attaching their name to a perfume and marketing it to their fans is a right of passage for the lamestream pop star. Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Avril Lavigne, Gwen Stefani, JLo, and Hilary Duff all have brands and the list goes on with Justin Bieber boldly joining the female dominated fragrance field.

Lady Gaga is getting into the sicky sweet fumes business too with a fragrance that contains her blood, supposedly feels like semen, and smells like an expensive hooker. The odor, dubbed “Monster” comes out Spring 2012 so you’ll have to satisfy your olfactory needs the old fashioned way until then. In the meantime, here are the top five pop star fragrances we don’t want to smell on you.



5. Hilary Duff — “With love”

When not trying to act, Hilary Duff market’s her scent, “With Love,” which she said inspired her song of the same name. She even carries a giant bottle of it around with her in the video for “With Love,” to spritz on for well-dressed male fans/stalkers.

Smells like: Duff’s fearful musk let loose in a catfight with Faye Dunaway, strong hints of overripe fruit.



4.Mariah Carey — “Lollipop Bling,” “Forever,” “Luscious Pink,” any other fragrance by Mariah Carey

I’ve lost count of how many perfumes Mariah Carey has had concocted with her name on them. Her latest line alone has three different styles, all called “Lollipop Bling,” something — “Honey,” “Mine Again,” etc. The name tells you all you need to know, but just in case, there are dozens of fan-made YouTube videos to wow you. Who buys this stuff? This chick does, “She could put out a line of fragrances that smell like pesticide, and I would still buy it, because it has her name on it,” she reveals.

Smells like: A floriental fruity combo of high fructose corn syrup, bombed Glitter and wet butterflies.


3. Avril Lavigne — “Forbidden Rose”

The twinkly derivative “Harry Potter” sounding score in Avril Lavigne’s “Forbidden Rose” perfume commercial makes it almost appealing… until her voice comes in. At least it makes more sense then what she does in this music video for “What The Hell,” which has her shamelessly spraying tons of her own perfume brand — she can’t stop, she’s having too much fun.

Smells like: Black nail polish, ersatz punk droppings, with notes of jailbait.



2. Britney Spears — “Hold It Against Me”

If Britney Spears doesn’t have quite as many fragrances as Mariah Carey, she makes up with it with sheer tween branding power — not to mention incredibly creative names like “Midnight Fantasy,” “Hidden Fantasy,” and seriously, “Circus Fantasy.” Her newest potion breaks new barriers for her in imaginative titling. Called simply, “Radiance,” she also features it prominently in her video “Hold It Against Me.”

Smells like: A hair scrunchie left on the floor of a Sephora with a cacophony of of gold-plated trailer park and Mouseketeer tears.


1. Justin Bieber — “Someday”

Bieber’s scent promises that, someday, he’ll catch a whiff of you wearing his perfume and then he’ll whisk you away into the clouds where you’ll ride around on his back and he won’t be able to stop smelling your neck. Bieber says his proceeds from the perfume go to charity, but that’s only a portion — the fragrance line is still expected to net Biebs $30 million. Just watch him snarl when he says “charity” in this promo video, it’s not even subtle. You don’t need to be an expert in applied psychology and microexpressions to see his distaste for it.

Smells like: Plastic hearts, Kool-Aid mustache, with a bouquet of hair swoosh and broken teen girl dreams.

Did we miss your favorite scent? Are you huffing some Eau de Biebs right now? Let us know in the comments below or on Twitter or Facebook!

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Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…