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The top 10 obscure Transformers that we’ll never see in a “Transformers” movie

The top 10 obscure Transformers that we’ll never see in a “Transformers” movie (photo)

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“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” has Shockwave, which is awesome. And we think we may have spotted what’s supposed to be Laserbeak in the trailer as well. It’ll be nice to see these two old friends added to the ‘Hey, I used to have that toy!” sightseeing tour that happens with every “Transformers” movie, even if they’re sometimes barely recognizable (uh, that dog-looking thing with the “enemy scrotum” in “Revenge of the Fallen” was supposed to be Devastator?). There are a few Cybertronian pals who will probably never get their own big-screen counterparts, though, if only because even some of the most hardcore Transformers fans can barely remember them. Here are a few such giant robots that will never have sketches faxed to Michael Bay’s office (and the actors who would voice them — you know, just in case).

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10. Twin Twist

The Jumpstarters, Topspin and Twin Twist, were never very popular toys — you pulled them back while in their vehicle modes (a mechanical hang glider and a drill machine, or something, respectively) until they clicked, and upon release they would charge forward for a couple of seconds before “jumping” into their robot modes. They would rarely “jump” into a standing position, though — their constant toppling over made them seem like they were always drunk (much to the chagrin of Optimus Prime, surely). Toy stores were usually always overstocked with the damn things, plus they never appeared in any of the animated series and made only rarely appearances in the comics. Surprisingly, though, Topspin is making an appearance in “Dark of the Moon” (though as what looks to be a completely reinvented character), and there’s so sign of his brother, Twin Twist — which is kind of too bad, as Michael Bay could probably do wonders with a giant alien drill machine thing.

Ideal Voice Actor: Jason Mewes


9. Orion Pax

Orion Pax was a Cybertronian dockworker before the epic war between the Autobots and Decepticons. He was severely damaged during an attack led by Megatron and later rebuilt by Alpha Trion, one of the oldest Transformers, into a mighty Autobot warrior by the name of… Optimus Prime. We’re not sure why the writers of the animated series thought there needed to be a “before he was Optimus” storyline, but there you have it, the moving tale of a mild-mannered working stiff who became the greatest Autobot leader of all time. We are sure, however, that the makers of the “Transformers” movies will ignore this part of Cybertron’s history completely. Alpha Trion had a metal robot beard, by the way.

Ideal Voice Actor: Ed Helms


8. Computron

There are those who would argue that the Technobots would never make an appearance in anything remotely involving Michael Bay simply because they’re some of Cybertron’s most intelligent citizens… and Mr. Bay isn’t exactly known for putting an emphasis on “smarts”. The Technobots — consisting of Scattershot, Afterburner, Lightspeed, Nosecone and Strafe — were a team of brainy warriors that merged into the mighty Computron, the (by default) nerdiest of the Combiner super-robots. Devastator (or that thing that was supposed to be Devastator) made an appearance in “Revenge of the Fallen”, and we have a feeling the Constructicons are going to be the first — and last — Combiner team that we’ll ever see in a “Transformers” movie. Too bad the Autobots will never get to show off one of their gestalts to live-action audiences – and it’s even more of a shame that, even if we did get to see one, it definitely wouldn’t be this over-analyzing, brainiac giant.

Ideal Voice Actor: Frank Welker, though synthesized to sound cool this time, which they forgot to do with Soundwave


7. Xaaron

Xaaron only ever appeared in the “Transformers” comics, a medium which was decidedly much more convoluted and intricate in its Cybertronian mythology than any of the animated series (in other words, the comics would never, ever stoop to something as simplistic as “the Quintessons created the Transformers”). Emirate Xaaron is an old fella, probably even older than Ironhide and Kup — in fact, during the beginning of the Autobot/Decepticon war, it was Xaaron who convinced the Council of Autobot Elders to make Optimus Prime the leader of the Autobot army. After Optimus, Megatron and their respective armies were lost to Earth, Xaaron ended up becoming the leader of the Autobot resistance on Cybertron. He is confident, wise and a bit of a rabble rouser, though by no means a fighter — in fact, he hasn’t transformed into his small attack tank mode in hundreds of years, and to try to do so now could cause such a shock to his system that he could experience permanent shutdown. As we already got the hobbling, farting Jetfire in “Revenge of the Fallen”, we doubt we’ll get another “old” Autobot anytime soon — besides, Mr. Bay and company have seemed so far rather uninterested in any “Cut To’s” to Cybertron goings-on.

Ideal Voice Actor: Ian McKellen


6. Firestar

Hey, where are all the female Transformers, anyway? Well, four million years ago, a whole group of female Autobots, led by Elita One (unfortunate name, that), tried to board the Ark with Optimus Prime and his team of boy Autobots but were supposedly destroyed during a Decepticon attack. They weren’t. They’re alive. And they’re hot! Firestar, Elita One and the rest of the female Autobots continued to enrage the likes of Shockwave and other Decepticons on Cybertron with their robberies and acts of sabotage. Firestar is particularly close with the Autobot known as Inferno (they share that whole fire motif, and they’re both red, so it makes sense), and who knows? Maybe if this crazy Autobot-Decepticon war didn’t keep tearing their attentions away from each other, they could be more than just friends. But alas, there’s no time for that. And there’s no room for Firestar — or any other female Autobot, for that matter — in a “Transformers” movie, ’cause if a lady can’t “arch her back” on cue like Megan Fox can, Michael Bay has little to no interest in her.

Ideal Voice Actor: Mila Kunis


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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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WTF Films

Artfully Off

Celebrity All-Star by Sisters Weekend is available now on IFC's Comedy Crib.

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Sisters Weekend isn’t like other comedy groups. It’s filmmaking collaboration between besties Angelo Balassone, Michael Fails and Kat Tadesco, self-described lace-front addicts with great legs who write, direct, design and produce video sketches and cinematic shorts that are so surreally hilarious that they defy categorization. One such short film, Celebrity All-Star, is the newest addition to IFC’s Comedy Crib. Here’s what they had to say about it in a very personal email interview…

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IFC: How would you describe Celebrity All-Star to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Celebrity All-Star is a short film about an overworked reality TV coordinator struggling to save her one night off after the cast of C-List celebrities she wrangles gets locked out of their hotel rooms.

IFC: How would you describe Celebrity All-Star to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Sisters Weekend: It’s this short we made for IFC where a talent coordinator named Karen babysits a bunch of weird c-list celebs who are stuck in a hotel bar. It’s everyone you hate from reality TV under one roof – and that roof leaks because it’s a 2-star hotel. There’s a magician, sexy cowboys, and a guy wearing a belt that sucks up his farts.

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IFC: What was the genesis of Celebrity All-Star?

Celebrity All-Star was born from our love of embarrassing celebrities. We love a good c-lister in need of a paycheck! We were really interested in the canned politeness people give off when forced to mingle with strangers. The backstory we created is that the cast of this reality show called “Celebrity All-Star” is in the middle of a mandatory round of “get to know each other” drinks in the hotel bar when the room keys stop working. Shows like Celebrity Ghost Hunters and of course The Surreal Life were of inspo, but we thought it
was funny to keep it really vague what kind of show they’re on, and just focus on everyone’s diva antics after the cameras stop rolling.

IFC: Every celebrity in Celebrity All-Star seems familiar. What real-life pop personalities did you look to for inspiration?

Sisters Weekend: Anyone who is trying to plug their branded merch that no one asked for. We love low-rent celebrity. We did, however, directly reference Kylie Jenner’s turd-raison lip color for our fictional teen celebutante Gibby Kyle (played by Mary Houlihan).

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IFC: Celebrity seems disgusting yet desirable. What’s your POV? Do you crave it, hate it, or both?

Sisters Weekend: A lot of people chase fame. If you’re practical, you’ll likely switch to chasing success and if you’re smart, you’ll hopefully switch to chasing happiness. But also, “We need money. We need hits. Hits bring money, money bring power, power bring fame, fame change the game,” Young Thug.

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IFC: Who are your comedy idols?

Sisters Weekend: Mike grew up renting “Monty Python” tapes from the library and staying up late to watch 2000’s SNL, Kat was super into Andy Kaufman and “Kids In The Hall” in high school, and Angelo was heavily influenced by “Strangers With Candy” and Anna Faris in the Scary Movie franchise, so, our comedy heroes mesh from all over. But, also we idolize a lot of the people we work with in NY-  Lorelei Ramirez, Erin Markey, Mary Houlihan, who are all in the film, Amy Zimmer, Ana Fabrega, Patti Harrison, Sam Taggart. Geniuses! All of Em!

IFC: What’s your favorite moment from the film?

Sisters Weekend: I mean…seeing Mary Houlihan scream at an insane Pomeranian on an iPad is pretty great.

See Sisters Weekend right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib

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