This browser is supported only in Windows 10 and above.

DID YOU READ

The top 10 obscure Transformers that we’ll never see in a “Transformers” movie

The top 10 obscure Transformers that we’ll never see in a “Transformers” movie (photo)

Posted by on

“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” has Shockwave, which is awesome. And we think we may have spotted what’s supposed to be Laserbeak in the trailer as well. It’ll be nice to see these two old friends added to the ‘Hey, I used to have that toy!” sightseeing tour that happens with every “Transformers” movie, even if they’re sometimes barely recognizable (uh, that dog-looking thing with the “enemy scrotum” in “Revenge of the Fallen” was supposed to be Devastator?). There are a few Cybertronian pals who will probably never get their own big-screen counterparts, though, if only because even some of the most hardcore Transformers fans can barely remember them. Here are a few such giant robots that will never have sketches faxed to Michael Bay’s office (and the actors who would voice them — you know, just in case).

[#10-6]   [#5-1]   [Index]


10. Twin Twist

The Jumpstarters, Topspin and Twin Twist, were never very popular toys — you pulled them back while in their vehicle modes (a mechanical hang glider and a drill machine, or something, respectively) until they clicked, and upon release they would charge forward for a couple of seconds before “jumping” into their robot modes. They would rarely “jump” into a standing position, though — their constant toppling over made them seem like they were always drunk (much to the chagrin of Optimus Prime, surely). Toy stores were usually always overstocked with the damn things, plus they never appeared in any of the animated series and made only rarely appearances in the comics. Surprisingly, though, Topspin is making an appearance in “Dark of the Moon” (though as what looks to be a completely reinvented character), and there’s so sign of his brother, Twin Twist — which is kind of too bad, as Michael Bay could probably do wonders with a giant alien drill machine thing.

Ideal Voice Actor: Jason Mewes


9. Orion Pax

Orion Pax was a Cybertronian dockworker before the epic war between the Autobots and Decepticons. He was severely damaged during an attack led by Megatron and later rebuilt by Alpha Trion, one of the oldest Transformers, into a mighty Autobot warrior by the name of… Optimus Prime. We’re not sure why the writers of the animated series thought there needed to be a “before he was Optimus” storyline, but there you have it, the moving tale of a mild-mannered working stiff who became the greatest Autobot leader of all time. We are sure, however, that the makers of the “Transformers” movies will ignore this part of Cybertron’s history completely. Alpha Trion had a metal robot beard, by the way.

Ideal Voice Actor: Ed Helms


8. Computron

There are those who would argue that the Technobots would never make an appearance in anything remotely involving Michael Bay simply because they’re some of Cybertron’s most intelligent citizens… and Mr. Bay isn’t exactly known for putting an emphasis on “smarts”. The Technobots — consisting of Scattershot, Afterburner, Lightspeed, Nosecone and Strafe — were a team of brainy warriors that merged into the mighty Computron, the (by default) nerdiest of the Combiner super-robots. Devastator (or that thing that was supposed to be Devastator) made an appearance in “Revenge of the Fallen”, and we have a feeling the Constructicons are going to be the first — and last — Combiner team that we’ll ever see in a “Transformers” movie. Too bad the Autobots will never get to show off one of their gestalts to live-action audiences – and it’s even more of a shame that, even if we did get to see one, it definitely wouldn’t be this over-analyzing, brainiac giant.

Ideal Voice Actor: Frank Welker, though synthesized to sound cool this time, which they forgot to do with Soundwave


7. Xaaron

Xaaron only ever appeared in the “Transformers” comics, a medium which was decidedly much more convoluted and intricate in its Cybertronian mythology than any of the animated series (in other words, the comics would never, ever stoop to something as simplistic as “the Quintessons created the Transformers”). Emirate Xaaron is an old fella, probably even older than Ironhide and Kup — in fact, during the beginning of the Autobot/Decepticon war, it was Xaaron who convinced the Council of Autobot Elders to make Optimus Prime the leader of the Autobot army. After Optimus, Megatron and their respective armies were lost to Earth, Xaaron ended up becoming the leader of the Autobot resistance on Cybertron. He is confident, wise and a bit of a rabble rouser, though by no means a fighter — in fact, he hasn’t transformed into his small attack tank mode in hundreds of years, and to try to do so now could cause such a shock to his system that he could experience permanent shutdown. As we already got the hobbling, farting Jetfire in “Revenge of the Fallen”, we doubt we’ll get another “old” Autobot anytime soon — besides, Mr. Bay and company have seemed so far rather uninterested in any “Cut To’s” to Cybertron goings-on.

Ideal Voice Actor: Ian McKellen


6. Firestar

Hey, where are all the female Transformers, anyway? Well, four million years ago, a whole group of female Autobots, led by Elita One (unfortunate name, that), tried to board the Ark with Optimus Prime and his team of boy Autobots but were supposedly destroyed during a Decepticon attack. They weren’t. They’re alive. And they’re hot! Firestar, Elita One and the rest of the female Autobots continued to enrage the likes of Shockwave and other Decepticons on Cybertron with their robberies and acts of sabotage. Firestar is particularly close with the Autobot known as Inferno (they share that whole fire motif, and they’re both red, so it makes sense), and who knows? Maybe if this crazy Autobot-Decepticon war didn’t keep tearing their attentions away from each other, they could be more than just friends. But alas, there’s no time for that. And there’s no room for Firestar — or any other female Autobot, for that matter — in a “Transformers” movie, ’cause if a lady can’t “arch her back” on cue like Megan Fox can, Michael Bay has little to no interest in her.

Ideal Voice Actor: Mila Kunis


[#10-6]   [#5-1]   [Index]

IFC_Portlandia-S8_best-of-skits_subaru-blog

Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

Posted by on

The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

IFC_Portlandia-S8_pick-a-lane_subaru-blog

Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

Posted by on

Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

Posted by on
GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…