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Statham! Owen! De Niro! Owen’s mustache! It’s the “Killer Elite” trailer!

Statham! Owen! De Niro! Owen’s mustache! It’s the “Killer Elite” trailer! (photo)

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We’ve already told you a little bit about “KIller Elite,” the debut release from new distributor Open Road Films. The cast list alone is exciting: Jason Statham, Clive Owen, Dominic Purcell, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, and Robert De Niro. But last night, Yahoo! Movies debuted the film’s first trailer, and gave us lots more reasons to be excited. Take a look:

In the film, Statham plays a retired member of the the Elite Special Air Service searching for a way to save his oh who the hell am I kidding pretending this film is about the story? It’s about Statham using a chair as a weapon while he’s sitting in it. It’s about Statham leaping out of a window while he’s still tied to that damn chair. It’s about Clive Owen with the porniest porn mustache since John Holmes. It’s about Robert De Niro being all like “I don’t care if I was in ‘Meet the Fockers,’ did you see ‘Taxi Driver?’ I will shoot you in the face!” It’s about all the actors in the trailer — and it’s all actors, because there are no actresses — getting credited by last name only because real men don’t need first names.

Now I imagine some might find the music in this trailer, Scorpions’ “Rock You Like a Hurricane,” a little cheesy. Here’s why it’s perfect: “Killer Elite” is obviously a welcome throwback to crazy 80s action, when men were men, women were Rae Dawn Chong, and villains had mustaches and accents. “Rock You Like a Hurricane” was the soundtrack of that dumb, glorious era. It’s the only reasonable choice.

“Killer Elite” opens September 23. I’m already calling it: Best Movie of 2011.

Are you as excited as Matt is about “Killer Elite?” Okay, obviously you’re not — no one is as excited about “Killer Elite” as Matt is. But we want to hear what you think anyway. Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter!

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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