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Schwarzen-Watch: Arnold Shops Fifth “Terminator”

Schwarzen-Watch: Arnold Shops Fifth “Terminator” (photo)

Posted by on’s film writer, Matt Singer, is the biggest Arnold Schwarzenegger fan on the planet. He blogs any time any news about Schwarzenegger’s return to acting, no matter how flimsy or improbable, hits the Internet.

Deadline better not be playing. They say that Arnold Schwarzenegger “is attached to star in a rights package that CAA is shopping today that will revive ‘The Terminator.'” I would write my reaction but it’s hard to type while your crying. While I wipe away the tears of joy, let me give you a little more of Deadline’s report:

“Universal, Sony and Lionsgate, and CBS Films are looking hard at the package… Rumor is the project price tag is at least $25 million upfront, against a purchase price near $36 million, not including paydays for Schwarzenegger or [director Justin] Lin… there is no set price, but this will likely be a whopping sale by the time the dust has settled and the bidding is complete.”

Now I know what you’re thinking: Schwarzenegger is coming up on 64 years old. He was stretching things (not to mention the skin on his face) playing the Terminator in “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines” and that was eight years ago (it’s actually one of the things that makes that film so fascinating, but we’ll leave that discussion for another time). I know that his CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer, but c’mon: Schwarzenegger’s put a lot of miles on that chassis.

So how could he do it now? Realistically, he couldn’t. What he could do, though, is play himself using motion capture technology the same way Jeff Bridges became young Kevin Flynn in “Tron: Legacy.” Now I know what you’re thinking again (I’m totally telepathic and stuff): young Jeff Bridges didn’t look like a real perso in “Tron: Legacy.” That’s fine, says I. Remember: Terminators aren’t real people. If there was something just a little off about their appearance, it might be kind of interesting, particularly if Schwarzenegger played an evil Terminator again (or, given the potential for motion capture many evil Terminators). An Arnold down at the wrong end of the Uncanny Valley would generate the sort of creepy vibe you want from a life-impersonating death machine. The illusion might actually be more effective if it’s less convincing.

$25 to $36 million is a lot to pay for just the rights, considering the hundreds of millions you’d still need to sink into the production. The last two “Terminator”s, while successful, were not exactly runaway blockbusters; the fourth film, “Salvation,” wound up grossing just $125 million domestically and the last Arnold “Terminator,” “Rise of the Machines,” made $150 million. The novelty of Schwarzenegger back in the leather jacket and sunglasses would certainly be good for publicity, but who knows how good it would be for box office: 90s nostalgia hasn’t done much for “Scream 4.”

Attached to direct “Terminator: Rise of the Assisted Breathing Machines” (couldn’t resist) is “Fast Five”‘s Justin Lin. After three “Fast & Furious” pictures, Lin’s action chops are well-established. But the guy from “Fast Five” I’d rather see Schwarzenegger hook up with is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Right before he moved into politics, Schwarzenegger made a symbollic passing-the-torch cameo in Johnson’s “The Rundown.” Not good enough for me. I want to see these two titans fighting over that torch with fiery swords on top of a mountain of elephant bones. It would be so beautiful. Hold on, I’m crying again. Talk amongst yourselves.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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