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Today’s Time Suck: “Desktop Dungeons”

Today’s Time Suck: “Desktop Dungeons” (photo)

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The roguelike is arguably the most merciless and time-devoruing genre in video games. Like a traditional role-playing game, the roguelike player navigates dungeons, collecting necessary items and earning skill points. However in roguelikes, dungeons are randomized and death is permanent. If your character dies, then all progress – the skill points, the weapons, the items, everything – is lost. “Desktop Dungeons,” a freeware game now available on PC and Mac, is a roguelike for the impatient gamer.

The game boils the roguelike grind into a dense 10-minute session. Pick a race, pick a class, and then click across a monster-filled dungeon. Battles are fought by tapping enemies. If they have a higher skill number than your character, they’re more likely to win the scuffle.

They win, you die, and the game start’s all over.

Success is achieved by finding an order to the randomized dungeon map. Who do you kill and what potions do you use when? Deduce the answer and you might defeat the boss. Most sessions end in death, so while a level can be beat in a lunch break, it probably won’t be – especially if you’re new to the genre.

“Desktop Dungeons” is a game to keep your eye on. It’s already made a splash amongst gaming news outlets. First, for a clone that was released on iPhone, then quickly pulled by Apple. And second, for its recent Seumas McNally Grand Prize nomination at the 2011 Independent Games Festival.

Here’s hoping we see an official mobile port soon along with future creative endeavors from developer QCF Design.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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