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The Onion News Network: Quality Is Job One

The Onion News Network: Quality Is Job One (photo)

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The Onion News Network, the most popular 24-hour cable news network in America, is coming to IFC on Friday January 21, 2011 at 10pm. You have a lot of options when it comes to the news, but we are convinced that once you witness the polished professionalism, integrity-addled insight, and intelligent analysis of the Onion News Network, Wolf Blitzer will be but a distant memory.

The Onion News Network is the world’s leader in news and information delivery. Staffed 24 hours, seven days a week by a dedicated staff in ONN’s world headquarters and in bureaus worldwide, the Onion News Network presents journalistic content of the highest quality, value, and integrity. It is the basis for their spotless reputation and the means by which they fulfill the public trust.To have all the facts necessary to create consistently quality content, the Onion News Network relies heavily on ONN’s vast global team of news professionals, reporters, and photojournalists. When you get the Onion News Network you get the best news team in the world galaxy.

Their Crack Team Has The Agility To Handle Breaking News With Polished Professionalism: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere

They Cover Sports With The Same Hard Edge As Political News: Soccer Officially Announces It’s Gay

They Aren’t Afraid To Ask The Tough Questions: Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Kids For The Post Apocalyptic Future?

They Are In The Know About Modern Culture: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?

And, Of Course, The Newsroom Has The International Situation Under Their Eagle Eye: Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea

The Onion News Network premieres on IFC on Jan. 21, 2011 at 10 p.m. ET

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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