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The Ghost of Miramax Will Go On In Unnecessary Sequels

The Ghost of Miramax Will Go On In Unnecessary Sequels (photo)

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Back in January, Miramax closed up shop, prompted many to muse over its marking the end of an era. And an announcement this morning of a deal made involving the company’s library of films suggests we’re moving on to a new era. A lamer era. The Weinstein Company has reached an agreement in which they’ll be creating sequels for some of the better known titles belonging to the company the Weinstein brothers built.

From the press release:

The first films to be produced under the agreement will be sequels to Bad Santa, Rounders and Shakespeare in Love. The other potential sequels and TV projects are Bridget Jones’s Diary, Copland, From Dusk Till Dawn, Swingers, Clerks, Shall We Dance, and The Amityville Horror. This partnership augments an existing relationship between the companies on such franchises as Scream 4 (to be released April 15, 2011), Spy Kids 4 (to be released August 19, 2011) and Scary Movie 5.

Yes, the company that was once instrumental in shaping the American indie film scene is now just a franchise farm. But let’s look on the bright side — “Bad Santa 2” could be okay, and why limit things to “Clerks III” or “Bridget Jones’s Baby”? Think of all the other Miramax properties ripe for sequelization:

“Reservoir Dogs”: The sheer volume of character death in Quentin Tarantino’s first film means a sequel would have to be very creative — like having Misters Orange, Pink, White and so on have to relive their disastrous day over and over again until they get things right, a la Phil Connors. A direct-to-DVD third film could be about the characters’ realization they’ve been in hell the whole time.

“Heaven”: Cate Blanchett and Giovanni Ribisi miraculously make it all the way to the U.S., where they are then pursued by a relentless Tommy Lee Jones.

“Happy, Texas”: Hey, this famously expensive acquisition ought to be worth something. This time around, Steve Zahn and Jeremy Northam, on the lam again, could pretend to be special coaches for a show choir, capitalizing on “Glee” craze, though likely a few years too late.

“Dead Man”: Johnny Depp returns as James Blake, William Blake’s twin brother, whom a passing Native American (Graham Greene) suggests may be the reincarnation of Irish Nine Years War figure James “Spanish” Blake. James Blake is hell-bent on avenging his brother by killing company owner John Dickinson (a body double digitally given the late Robert Mitchum’s face).

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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