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DID YOU READ

The Chuck Norris Gift Guide

The Chuck Norris Gift Guide (photo)

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Everyone we know loves Chuck Norris more than they love their own flesh and blood. Why? Because he is always on the side of Justice, he likes to kick bad guys in the face, and he looks damn fine in a Stetson. Also, once he fought a bear. Can your flesh and blood make that claim? No they cannot. Also also, we’re a little frightened of him (see: bear fight) and all the best relationships have a soupcon of fear in them. Like in “Twilight”. Not that we’re Team Edward or Team Jacob because, clearly, we are Team Chuck and he would mop the floor with both of them with his beard. No hands, just beard. Don’t believe us? Watch Good Guys Wear Black tonight at 8:25 p.m. ET and see for yourself.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, we are officially in the Christmas shopping season. For all the Chuck Norris fans in the IFC family, we got to thinking about the greatest presents possible. Naturally our thoughts turned to Etsy, the online marketplace of handmade wonders. It offers a veritable treasure trove of Chuck Norris items for the discerning gift giver. For example, the painting featured above is available here for the low low price of $200. Is that too much for to have the stoic stare of Chuck Norris keeping watch over you at night? Of course not. Buy one for each of the eight nights of Hanukkah.

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Chuck Norris finger puppets are fun for adults and kids alike. Buy one for little Suzie and creepy Uncle Ted and Christmas shopping is done. Buy this delightful item here.

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What oenophile wouldn’t appreciate a side of ass-kicking good humor in their stocking? Available here.

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This is fine art at its finest and you should snap it up before the Guggenheim does. Buy it now!

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Chuck Norris is so cool he gets his own meme. That meme is so cool that it then gets turned into an embroidered internet meme on Etsy. Buy it for the great thinkers who appreciate a heady and meta holiday. For example, if Baudrillard was on your Secret Santa list this would be perfect for him.

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Chuck Norris is our nation’s first and last line of defense in case of Godzilla attack. Bet he’d be pretty good against zombies, too. Maybe The Walking Dead should hire him. Let’s all start mailing this postcard to Santa right now to make it so.

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Attach this pendant to any present to make it officially “Chuck Norris Approved”. The only items that will not be Chuck Norris approved are those featuring He Who Shall Not Be Named. (*cough* Jack Bauer *cough*.)

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The perfect, nay, only choice for the ladies and those gentlemen with large holes in their ears. These ear plugs say it all: Chuck Norris rules. Buy them and put a smile on your little girl’s face.

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What we’re all (yes, even you Jean Claude Van Damme) are secretly hoping is under our tree this year is a Chuck Norris magnetic action doll. Hope Santa’s elves know how to make something so awesome.

Good Guys Wear Black airs tonight on IFC at 8:25 p.m. ET

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Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…