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A Guide To Hating The Beatles

A Guide To Hating The Beatles (photo)

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I don’t hate the Beatles in the least bit, but for a long time I did take an unpopular position against them, mostly just as a knee jerk reaction against the mainstream. All the cheap merchandise, the overexposure, the boppy fans who just listen to what is fed to them over the radio and don’t make much effort to educate themselves about music… it can really start to weigh on a guy. Sometimes you have to lash out and loudly declare that the “Beatles suck, this record is overplayed suck,” at your girlfriend’s birthday party when she puts on “Sgt. Pepper’s,” her favorite album, and just stand there drinking bourbon straight from the bottle while her horrified girlfriends look on.

Yeah, nobody likes that guy. But sometimes, you have to shake people up, open their eyes for their own good. With the Beatles on iTunes now we can only expect them to be more ubiquitous than ever. Of course, there are good ways, and jerk off ways of calling attention to the issue. Vulture’s pointers on How to Hate the Beatles, leans safely to the former. I recommend it. Here’s excerpts from the first three:

1. Make sure you like something interesting.
As soon as you’ve announced that you hate the Beatles, the first question on some people’s minds will be what the hell you think is so much better, then, big shot…..

2. Pick the right Beatles song to begrudgingly enjoy.
The Beatles released many songs of many types, and you will be called upon to confess that there is at least one you enjoy. You should do this: It’s an issue of good faith. Just be sure that the one song you enjoy doesn’t explain your taste too well. For instance, if you only enjoy heavy music, don’t say that “Helter Skelter” is okay. It’ll be much more fascinating if you listen to nothing but Satan-obsessed thrash metal but enjoy the song “Piggies”…

3. Use the Beatles against themselves. The Beatles thought loads of different musicians were interesting, and sometimes it’s fun to tell Beatles fans you agree. Some of the options are obvious, like saying you enjoy the American music the Beatles were inspired by — Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Eddie Cochran, etc. But how about the highbrow stuff the band got into later on, like German composer Karlheinz Stockhausen, or Yoko Ono’s Fluxus art scene? John Lennon thought Ono was really cool, and there’s nothing more pleasant than telling Beatles fans you concur. Recommend the six-CD Onobox, just so you can explain to people how childish their laughter is.

I find that one of the most effective things to do is slip some Kink’s into the rotation, and not the clear channel approved radio hits, but stuff a lot people aren’t that familiar with like “Dead End Street,” or “Victoria.” They’ll think it’s an old Beatles song they’ve never heard before and start raving and you’ll have them. Then you can admit that the Beatles are treasure, it’s just important to know why, and you can let it be. Read the full pointers list here.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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