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What’s Your Damage, ‘Heathers’?

What’s Your Damage, ‘Heathers’? (photo)

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No one would ever mistake Heathers for a John Hughes movie. Sure, they both use high school as a backdrop for their tales of class struggles, but no matter how battered and bruised he got, Duckie from Pretty in Pink would never feed Andrew McCarthy a drain cleaner cocktail. No, Heathers is the blackest of comedies made even more dark for revolving around a high school clique of the most popular girls in school a.k.a. the Heathers.

The film stars Winona Ryder as Veronica Sawyer, the one brunette non-Heather allowed in the clique of Heather Duke (Shannen Doherty), Heather Chandler (Kim Walker), and Heather McNamara (Lisanne Falk). They are rich, beautiful, popular and feared. When Christian Slater’s J.D. rolls into town with his dark looks and Jack Nicholson-inspired bad boy aura, Veronica goes weak in the knees. Also, the morals. Soon she and J.D. are making amends the biblical way. Also, totally breaking up.

Filmed in just 32 days the movie became a cult hit. The dark subject matter for a teen film was eyebrow raising to say the least. In fact, rumor has it that the parents of 17-year old Heather Graham thought it was too dark for their fledgling actress daughter. Wonder what they thought of Boogie Nights?

One of the most memorable things about the movie was the vicious and often hilarious dialogue spilling out of the perfectly lipsticked mouths of the Heathers. Here are a few of our favorite lines to ever grace the silver screen. We couldn’t find a clip that just said, “CORN NUTS!”, though. Put on your favorite red scrunchie and watch. If we missed something, tell us in the comments:

“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.”

“Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?”

“Why are you such a mega bitch?”

“You were a Girl Scout cookie!”

Heathers plays on IFC at 8:30 p.m. ET on Sunday, October 10th.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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