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The Five Worst Heather Graham Movies (So Far)

The Five Worst Heather Graham Movies (So Far) (photo)

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On tonight’s episode of Arrested Development, Heather Graham guest stars as George Michael Bluth’s ethics teacher who tempts Michael into unethical behavior. We started thinking of Heather Graham’s career arc and, to put it bluntly, she’s no Sarah Polley. While Ms. Polley seems to have a knack for picking roles in excellent movies, Ms. Graham career GPS always seems on the brink of driving her into a creek. She even turned down a role in Heathers, yet accepted one in Committed. Choices, Heather!

While we would never fault someone for doing what it takes to pay the rent, we would definitely fault someone for signing onto Miss Conception. Heather has been made a few good career moves lately, notably her roles in Arrested Development , Scrubs, and The Hangover. But for every part in Boogie Nights, there are two Two Girls and a Guy. To entertain ourselves as we wait for Arrested Development to air at 10 p.m. ET, we’re counting down the five worst films that Ms. Graham has starred in*. (* So far)

In Miss Conception, Heather Graham stars as a quirky Londoner (yes, there’s an accent) who gets the unlikely news that she has only one viable egg left in her entire body and she has exactly one month to use it or lose it. The one word review? NO :

In Cake, Heather stars as a travel writer forced to take over her ailing father’s wedding magazine. As she puts it, “It’s a shrine to commitment and [she’s] a slut.” Sounds like fun for the whole family right? WRONG. Fun for no one.

The best thing about Heather Graham’s involvement in the ghastly The Oh in Ohio is that her role as a clerk in a sex shop is uncredited. Still, Heather, that’s how you want to spend your free time? Parker Posey, Paul Rudd? You have no excuse for starring in this frigid film:

In yet another of Heather’s wacky pregnancy hijinks oeuvre, she and Jerry O’Connell star in Baby on Board, which is a sort of War of the Roses plus baby dramedy. The vast number of fat jokes are the high point:

Heather’s decision to star in Blessed is such an obvious low point for the star that we’re almost tempted to not kick her while she’s down. But, what the heck: In Blessed, Heather is once again pregnant, but this time she’s been knocked up by The Devil himself. Those crazy fertility clinics are always getting up to something. While Heather may have thought she was signing up for the next Rosemary’s Baby, it was more like a sad Keanu Reeves movie meets the early 00s television show Point Pleasant. And not in a good way.

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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