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Five Velvet Underground Songs To Drown Out Five Tea Party Contradictions

Five Velvet Underground Songs To Drown Out Five Tea Party Contradictions (photo)

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You may have read the news recently about Moe Tucker speaking at a Tea Party gathering in Georgia. It’s somewhat shocking considering the legacy of the Velvet Underground, and the literary, often difficult music they made. They were pioneers, sailors on a great big clipper ship, plying the seas of late 60’s counter culture. When everyone else was wearing tie-dyes, they dressed all in black and sang about masochism.

Still, what struck me more than an aged, right-leaning Moe Tucker — who never dug “that love and peace shit” anyway — are the buffoons coming out of the woodwork to rejoice about it. Maybe you read some of their comments on the web, perhaps even here where the BIG Hollywood devotees chose to pick on little old IFC. Yes, right wing mouthpieces, Big Hollywood and FOX are both giddy over it.

These Tea Party people praise themselves, and Moe, as the true counter culture of our times. But Fox, and even some actual news organizations, have long made the claim that the Tea Party is mainstream. So which is it? Are they this real deal, grass roots, underdog, counter culture movement? Or mainstream America? They can’t be both.

While they are well organized, much more so than any left-leaning organization (you can tell just by how many of them lock step marched in here to comment after being directed to by their ringleader), they just don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Oh their feelings and anger are valid, but almost entirely misplaced, and today’s drilled talking points are in total conflict with yesterday’s positions.

There’s only one thing left to do — drown out and disperse their vaporous claims with Velvet Underground:

1. The Mosque.
They vehemently want government stay out of their business. But maybe not yours, or hers or his! They want government to intervene and stop that Mosque from being built near Ground Zero, ignoring the totally legal nature of the project, the constitutional right to freedom of religion, and their own position on less government.


“What Goes On”

2. Fiscal Responsibility.
They suddenly demand fiscal responsibility after 8 years of the Bush administration first squandering away the surplus, then plunging into deficit with vast overspending, and refusing to budget for the wars.


“Foggy Notion”

3. Taxes.
They’re for tax cuts but somehow can’t absorb the facts — that the Obama administration’s policy is also for tax cuts. In fact the federal income tax burden for 98 percent of all working families and individuals was reduced in 2009 and the administration is proposing to continue that. In contrast the GOP wants tax cuts for the wealthiest 1% but won’t account for how to pay for them — we’ll borrow from China for that. Hey, some people like getting stepped on by stilettos and having hot wax poured on their genitals too.

“Venus in Furs”

4. Socialism.
All the wild eyed, mouth foaming about Socialism is deeply disingenuous, when you consider that the decidedly older Tea Party demographic refuse to consider giving up their cheap drugs, Medicare or their SocialSecurity — the pinkest programs we have.


“Heroin”

5. Fascism.
They keep trying to liken Obama to Hitler, while calling him a socialist. This is raw idiocy. Hitler of course was a fascist. Any third rate history student can tell the difference. It is fitting though that these people drinking the Koch brothers kool aid cannot while they rail against “socialist” policies aimed for the greater good and decry State influence in their business — they lobby for the collusion of corporate and State power to be employed specifically where it please them, and against groups which they oppose — just like Hitler did. They’re still waiting for theirs.

“Waiting For The Man”
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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Uncle-Buck

Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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