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DID YOU READ

Thanks, But No Thanks, Lady Gaga – Time to Hang It Up

Thanks, But No Thanks, Lady Gaga – Time to Hang It Up (photo)

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I’ve been going along happily ignorant of Lady Gaga my whole life until fairly recently. It was only last Spring someone asked me, “Who the hell is that guy?” I had no answer. Some chick named Perez Hilton had endorsed her, that’s all I knew. But, no matter how hard you may try, you can’t stay ignorant of such a pop cultural force for long. And a force she is, I’ll be the first to admit.

So, enlightened to the basics — girl from the Upper East Side who likes to wear costumes makes hideously grating club music — I’ve since gone along happily ignoring her, and the accompanying dance hits, ubiquitous as they are. But I’ve just reached the edge of my limit. First it was my Grandfather, a 90 year-old veteran of WWII, bringing her up in conversation by name. Second is this rumor that David Bowie is pitching in on her third album.

Idolator reported coming across a document that shows Bowie “listed as co-producer, guitar and vocals on a track titled ‘Vinyl’…as well as one called ‘Born This Way’ and ‘Hooker On A Church Corner.'” It was also noted that, “If this is for real, we could definitely see why Gaga would call her third album ‘my best work to date.'”

Hopefully it’s not for real because it would be a sad day for the legacy of David Bowie, next to whom Gaga’s music sounds like the crack rock jingles blaring from an ice cream truck that sells crack rocks, and sometimes ice cream, to the kids in my neighborhood. By the way, what’s she going to say other than it’s her best work to date, that it’s her most middling? Her most annoying nu-Madonna work to date? I’m sure every morning when she drops a clutch of dingle berries in the can, she proclaims it’s her best work to date.

Another pop star, the more interesting M.I.A. recently took exception to Gaga as well. She went off to Time Out about how Oprah, “Made this huge speech at the ball praising Lady Gaga and about how she [Gaga] is helping Americans to be the best of themselves.” She went on to say, “There’s millions of other Americans who represent that for me. It’s about numbers? About how much you’re selling? Is it truly about the journey? Because [Gaga’s] journey isn’t that difficult: to go from the fucking Upper East Side to a fucking performing arts school and on to a stage at the museum of fucking wherever. That journey’s about four miles.”

Oh snap. Maybe it’s not all that fair though, who cares where she’s from and how far she had to go? But helping Americans be our best? Oprah please. I’m not sure where praise of that magnitude comes from. Gaga’s outspoken about gay rights but that’s nothing to be applauded over — what rational, fair minded person isn’t?

Maybe Gaga herself can enlighten us as to why she deserves such attention. The enormous bio she has on her website is not conducive to reading, inexplicably all in caps, but fear not I have taken some bits and placed them here.

“IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT THE MUSIC. IT’S ABOUT THE PERFORMANCE, THE ATTITUDE, THE LOOK; IT’S EVERYTHING,” she explains. And on her purpose states, “POP CULTURE IS ART. IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU COOL TO HATE POP CULTURE, SO I EMBRACED IT AND YOU HEAR IT ALL OVER THE FAME (her debut album). BUT IT’S A SHARABLE FAME. I WANT TO INVITE YOU ALL TO THE PARTY. I WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL A PART OF THIS LIFESTYLE.”

I don’t know why she’s yelling but it seemed an appropriate excerpt to print. And fair too. Well, thanks but no, Gaga. I don’t want to be a part of your lifestyle anymore than I want that ice cream truck playing it’s goddamn jingle outside. But both of you are 24/7, and the kids, they just don’t know any better. So hang it up for a while, they don’t need another 8 song “album” released on them, Bowie or no.

Update: David Bowie refutes the rumor that he’s collaborating with Gaga as completely false.

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Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…