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Proposed Alternate Subtitles For “Saw 3D”

Proposed Alternate Subtitles For “Saw 3D” (photo)

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Amongst the 6200 other news stories and announcements coming out of Comic-Con yesterday was the news that the upcoming seventh “Saw” film will be the series’ last. This comes on the heels of Lionsgate announcing a few weeks ago that they’d changed the title of the film from “Saw VII” to “Saw 3D: The Traps Come Alive” before clarifying a day later than the title is, in fact, “Saw 3D” and “The Traps Come Alive” part is, alas, just a tagline.

What a disappointment. “Saw 3D” is just another “Saw” movie with a boring title. “Saw 3D: The Traps Come Alive” is just another “Saw” movie with an awesomely silly sequel subtitle. And who doesn’t love an awesomely silly sequel subtitle? Nothing gives us more pleasure than marching up to a box office, puffing out our chest, adjusting our fake beard and baseball hat and declaring “One for ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel’ please!”

With that in mind, we’d like to humbly suggest Lionsgate restore the “Traps Come Alive” subtitle or, better yet, replace it with one of our suggestions. If they do, we promise we’ll be there on opening night to proudly buy our ticket for:

“Saw 3D: Saw Harder”

“Saw 3D: Not to Be Confused With Saw III”

“Saw 3D: After This, The Reboot!”

“Saw 3D: Also Featuring Other Tools”

“Saw 3D: Because the Characters Sure Weren’t Going to Get More Multi-Dimensional”

“Saw 3D: I Will Put You in A Rose Garden”

“Saw 3D: Now With 40% More Elwes”

“Saw 3D: From the Director of Saw VI”

“Saw 3D: New Look, Same Bad Taste”

“Saw 3D: Back in the Habit”

“Saw 3D: Frampton’s Traps Comes Alive”

You’re welcome, Lionsgate publicity. And if a reader wants to Photoshop one of these onto that crazy new 3D poster, we’ll love you forever.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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