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DID YOU READ

Psychedelic “jellybean,” Secret Colours debut.

Psychedelic “jellybean,” Secret Colours debut. (photo)

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Imagine you’re a Ronald Reagan in 1981, looking at your “To Do” list, just about to enact a series of “trickle down” economic policies. Your goal, consciously or subconsciously, is to ensure that this constitutional republic we call a democracy be transformed into a Corporatocracy. you know that all the burdens of self governance are too much for the common simpleton to bear. You reach for the signature jar of jelly beans on your desk. The sound of them plinking against the glass as you grope for a choice bean makes you smile, the sound of modernity. You’ll usher in a new era of cheap consumer goods. Maybe you’ll invade Grenada and really stick it to those poor island communists.

Oh you chuckle at that as you pop a bean into your mouth and bite down, but it’s not watermelon or very cherry. A puff of sweet smoke belches from it inside your mouth and you cough. Flailing for the secret service call button you knock over you favorite autographed portrait of Arnold Schwarzenegger and try to scream, but only colors come out.

Suddenly, everything has changed, you feel a great weight about you as you wonder why high-fructose corn syrup is in everything. You feel unsure for the first time and something that can only be described as empathy. Yet you’re calm and filled with joy as you take your “To Do” list and erase it with colors from your mouth saying, “Well, toodleoo.”

Imagine that. For some reason I did while listening to this new record by Chicago psyche group, Secret Colours. It’s not going to change anyone’s world view but it might make you trip out a little. They’re psyche in the vein of Brian Jonestown Massacre or The Warlocks with a serious dose of the Stone Roses. Anton Alfred Newcombe meets Ian Brown kind of thing. Check out this track called “Jellybean” for the forthcoming self-titled album.

<a href="http://secretcolours.bandcamp.com/track/jellybean">Jellybean by Secret Colours</a>

They have a record release show at Lincoln Hall in Chicago, tomorrow June 11th.

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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