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Moar Joaquin Around with Affleck and Phoenix.

Moar Joaquin Around with Affleck and Phoenix. (photo)

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So it’s confirmed that Joaquin Phoenix has been putting us on. I knew this way back in ’09 when I penned a little rap in honor of his shopping rampage at a Red Balls store on Melrose. He bought a black velvet cape and yelled “MONEY” at the cashier girl. Still, a little part of me wanted to believe, wanted to take him at face value.

Now, both overjoyed and underwhelmed by the confirmation that Joaquin’s trip into raptard world was a joke, an elaborate mockumentary set up, I wonder what the merits of the film would be? Deadline reported that “the film made its debut in a private lunchtime screening at WME headquarters last week for buyers — including Harvey Weinstein — who were sworn to secrecy.”

WME is not a wrestling organization, it’s William Morris Endeavor Entertainment, the company selling the film, which Casey Affleck has been too noticeably shooting everywhere Joaquin went.

You may recall the slew of mumbling interviews, not least of which was the most uncomfortable Letterman episode since Crispin Glover’s 1987 appearance.

There was the hideously bad performance in Vegas, where people never seemed to stop hooting and cheering (where he finally fell off the stage after bouncing stupidly for a while to strobing camera flashes).

Then there was the aggro in Miami where Joaquin jumped off the stage to beat someone down, after yelling, “I got a million dollars in the fucking bank account what do you got bitch?” while the crowd cheered and laughed.

I don’t know what the real drive of Casey’s film will be. Presumably it chronicles Joaquin’s fall from grace into the pop culture hell you see above. I assume it will target the media’s coverage and the public’s response. How someone can be a star and sex symbol, clawed after for interviews and autographs one minute and an outcast freak the next in this constantly shallow news cycle we’re all caught in. Or maybe it functions as a commentary about self-absorbed Hollywood impressarios doing dumb shit and how people eat it up.

It’s hard to see widespread appeal in it unless there’s some really serious scathing social critique embedded in extreme hilarity (Joaquin and Casey are clearly capable). I’m hoping it wasn’t an exercise in method acting, and that in the movie Joaquin drops the persona whenever he walks out of the spotlight. I’d like to get an his unfiltered take on how jacked up our entertainment culture is after this absurd adventure.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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