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“Conan” without Arnold, and the best Fantasy score ever.

“Conan” without Arnold, and the best Fantasy score ever. (photo)

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Images leaked out earlier this week from the set of the new “Conan” film do not do much to ease fears that this is all a big mistake…. unless you measure in exposed boobs (you well might, I don’t know). Granted it’s still early and Arnold Schwarzenegger replacement, Jason Momoa does look better then he did in “Stargate Atlantis.” While he’s perfect for the role of Khal Drogo in HBO’s upcoming “Game of Thrones” it’s awfully hard to imagine anyone other than Arnie playing Conan.

[Barbarian chicks exposed on the “Conan” set in Bulgaria.]

The joy of the original Conan movies, aside from what was intense violence for the time, had much to do with the huge star with the funny accent. Momoa has neither of those qualities. Perhaps Ron Perlman, who will play his father, can make up for some of that. Perlman also seems to be the only cast member who even remotely measures up to the likes of James Earl Jones and Max von Sydow, who both played memorable roles in John Milius’ “Conan the Barbarian.”

Maybe more memorable then even those titans though, was the score by the incomparable Basil Poledouris. Poledouris was composer for such 80’s gems as “The Blue Lagoon,” “Flesh+Blood,” “RoboCop” and the Republican rallying cry (and favorite of mine), “Red Dawn.” His score for “Conan the Barbarian” is Sheer genius from start to finish. As far action fantasy picture scores go, this one from 1982 is the king. And afterward, everyone copied the shit out of it.

We can only hope for compositions of this girth in the coming revisionist cut, that like the original follows “Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.”

My favorite selection from the original score is the track called “The Orgy.”

Basil Poledouris – The Orgy, from the “Conan the Barbarian” Score.

Watch this trailer and hear ye Basil Poledouris’ epic main theme for the film. It’s all Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.

Picture from Quiet Earth, see more including shots of Jason Momoa there.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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