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DID YOU READ

Review: “Meet Monica Velour,” requiem for a porn star.

Review: “Meet Monica Velour,” requiem for a porn star. (photo)

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Reviewed at the 2010 Tribeca Film Festival.

“It’s not a National Lampoon’s movie and it’s not a road movie,” writer/director Keith Bearden said after the second screening of his comedy “Meet Monica Velour,” a necessity of sorts since the easiest description of its logline might have audiences running in the other direction. As noted by Cinematical’s Scott Weinberg, the synopsis of a geek seeking out a retired porn star he worships after his high school graduation sounds like formulaic crap easily given to cliché. But while no one will mistake “Monica Velour” for high art, it’s a sly, unforced coming-of-age story that may be slightly predictable, but is always engaging.

You wouldn’t think this immediately when introduced to Tobe (Dustin Ingram), a love child of Napoleon Dynamite and Where’s Waldo with an offputtingly toothy grin and a mop of blondish curls. He has very particular tastes, as we learn when he drives around his father’s Weenie Wiz truck to a soundtrack of ’30s jazz, and one of them happens to be Monica Velour (Kim Cattrall), a leading lady of ’80s era adult entertainment who has now been reduced to being the featured dancer at a low-rent Indiana strip joint. Like the many collectibles he’s acquired over the years of Velour paraphernalia, Tobe learns this latter fact over the internet. Combined with a potential buyer for the hot dog truck in the area, it’s enough to lead him to travel from Washington to the Midwest to meet her in person.

04272010_MeetMonicaVelour.jpgBearden spends little time on the road since it’s the relationship between Tobe and Monica that proves to be bumpy. An adoring Tobe is faced with the reality that his dream woman is divorced, desperate for cash and has a daughter she’d like to see more of. Though he’s undeterred, Monica keeps him at an arm’s distance, yet she’s intrigued enough to keep the door ajar for a friendship to develop. Although Bearden makes concessions to the lowbrow premise — there are the obligatory mentions of Monica’s porn credits (“Poon 200 B.C.,” “A Long Day’s Journey Into Kate”), you get to see (and subsequently can’t unsee) the bare ass of Tobe’s father post-coitus, played by Brian Dennehy — it’s a film with a generally light touch where every character is fully realized.

The biggest beneficiary is Cattrall, who gets the most adult role she’s ever been allowed to play — surely the irony wasn’t lost on her that it took a role as a former porn star for to shed her long-held image as a sex kitten. During the post-screening Q & A, Bearden told the story of how he met the “Sex and the City” star at a Thai restaurant in 52nd St. in New York and was sure he would scare her off with his laundry list of demands: “We’re going to light you real bad. You have to gain weight,” etc. By the time he reached the subway, his agent told him she was in. (Bearden wouldn’t give names of the “big name actresses” who competed for Cattrall’s part, but he did mention that “half the cast of ‘The Wire,'” Garrett Morris and Busta Rhymes were willing to audition for the role of the potential hot dog truck buyer/artist ultimately played in the film by Keith David.)

Although there are some areas in which Bearden, a first-time feature director, overplays his hand, it’s not enough to overlook the goodness in “Meet Monica Velour,” where cynicism has no place, even if gangbangs do.

“Meet Monica Velour” does not yet have U.S. distribution.

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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