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Clash of the Titans trashes Bubo, spectacular failure.

Clash of the Titans trashes Bubo, spectacular failure. (photo)

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“Clash of the Titans” sits atop the box office with an Easter weekend take of 61.2 million, a record breaker. Yet, apart from the stunning locations like Tenerife in the Canary islands, the film is one colossal, Kraken-sized turd. Nothing more than a vehicle for special effects and hard rock cues with tons of screaming in between hard stares.

I could have you that 4 months ago, and pretty much did, but I was still holding out hope for a couple things – all of which turned out to be false media rumors or outright deceptions by the filmmakers. Let’s take a look at them.

1. UK band Muse was going to work on the score. That was never exactly true, but their singer/songwriter Matt Bellamy was at one point in talks to collaborate on the score. I’m no fan of Muse at all but I thought they could do something more interesting than the douched up metal flatulence that we heard in the trailer. Ultimately it wasn’t to be. Instead we have composers Craig Armstrong (“The Incredible Hulk”) and Ramin Djawadi (“Blade: Trinity,” “Iron Man”) responsible for the music and while it’s not all terrible, taken as a whole, the movie sounds like something unsavory clogged in Hans Zimmer’s toilet.

2. Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, and Danny Huston. They’re technically in the movie (and Ralph Fiennes is great, if a bit too Lord Voldemort) but barely used. Neeson is seems poorly directed as Zeus, well played in his blinding armor on Mount Olympus, but too affable everywhere else – this is a God who wields lighting bolts and rapes virgin princesses for fun. Danny Huston (“Children of Men,” “The Proposition”) is totally extraneous as Poseidon. What a waste.

3. Bubo. It’s clear that director Louis Leterrier disdains smarts in favor of orgasms of testosterone. He directed “The Incredible Hulk” after all. But we were promised the lovable Bubo. He would have been one of the few things to help pace the nonstop action, maybe even bring a bit more attention to something called story. “It’s exciting, it’s thrilling, it’s a little scary and it’s fun but it’s for kids and it’s for adults at the same time. There’s romance, there’s horses… and Bubo,” he told Collider in mid February. It was reported all over that Bubo was in the film by the producers and screenwriters too, that “homage” had to be paid.

That “homage” is nothing more than a crass 5 second jab at the original film and the genius stop-motion effects master Ray Harryhausen. They can’t do Bubo like that! Sadly, these meatheads missed a golden opportunity to bring a modern recreation of that little chirping sidekick to life. He would have improved the soundtrack 10 fold too. Don’t foul your ears and eyes with this poor remake.

Bubo, or No Bubo?

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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