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Why moviegoing and healthy eating don’t mesh.

Why moviegoing and healthy eating don’t mesh. (photo)

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Last week, Sony Pictures CEO Michael Lynton gave a speech saying movie theaters should add healthy snack options — fresh fruit, vegetables and dip, yogurt — to the usual popcorn, soda and candy. Sony has the polling numbers: two-thirds of moviegoers claim they’d be more likely to buy the healthy snacks. 60% say healthier snacks would enhance the experience. This basically means 60% of those polled are lying.

It’s incredible to watch otherwise dietarily sane, even finicky people eat dehydrating amounts of popcorn and ingesting sugar by the pound whenever they go to the multiplex — it’s kind of like watching people drinking in an airport bar at 10am. If it’s true that, according to the LA Times, more people are going to the movies more often and substituting that for pricier recreational activities (which seems true) and movies are more prominent in America’s social life than they have been recently, it’s also true that the theaters themselves can be incredibly unhealthy places to frequent.

Like the national mood and economy, theaters can also be depressing — a man who complained about someone talking on their cellphone during “Shutter Island” was stabbed with a meat thermometer, only a little more than a year after an enraged “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” viewer simply shot the offending chatterers, then sat down and watched the rest of the movie while the police were on the way.

There’s a casual sense of irritation at most New York multiplexes; there’s also true to a certain extent at the suburban ones, but more people there seem resigned to having their screening interrupted by texts, phone calls and random teenagers surfing from film to film. Complaints about that are common, though it’s actually more interesting that there are now many people who see nothing wrong with them or anyone else ignoring the film loudly whenever they feel like it.

If the experience at those theaters can be so grim, why should the food be any different? There’s even a term for the kind of movie that goes with it — the passive-aggressive label popcorn movie — and it’s absurd to imagine a world where “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” comes with carrots.

By the way, if you spent any time in multiplexes in the ’90s, you probably saw a pre-show variant of these mind-blowing California Raisins commercials:

[Photos: California Raisins TV commercial, unknown date, Will Vinton Studios; “Gremlins,” Warner Bros., 1984.]

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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