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Centurion, trailers, behind the scenes.

Centurion, trailers, behind the scenes. (photo)

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May as well keep this week’s trend up and get completely medieval on that ass with Neil Marshall’s “Centurion.” Don’t mind the phrase, actually we’re talking classical antiquity, and the difference is vast. This swords and sandals piece takes place in 117AD, well before Europe found Christ, when the Romans sought to tame the northern reaches of Britain.

[Olga Kurylenko, Pictish cover girl, in “Centurion”]

Having fought off Queen Boudicca and firmly established themselves in the south, the famed Ninth Legion went north to confront the wild Picts, modern day Scots. They were never heard from again, or so the legend goes (though historians now refute this, and date the annihilation of the ninth legion many years later). Enter Michael Fassbender (“Inglorious Basterds”) and Dominic West (infamously McNulty of “The Wire”) as Roman Legionnaires, both of whom appeared in the oiled up, man-sweatiest, gayest film ever made, “300.” Olga Kurylenko who’s had as much video game as film work, apparently plays a crazy Pict. I guess Ukrainians are the new Scots.

I have never seen a Neil Marshall picture before, but the titles alone give me pause, “Doomsday,” “Dog Soldiers,” etc. So does this trailer with so much amplified testosterone I had a hard time noticing the music at first. It’s all right, serviceable at least. Composer Ilan Eshkeri’s prior work remains questionable with titles like “Ninja Assassin” under his belt, but “Layer Cake” too.

What’s going on with Olga’s nose? I guess the Picts did epic amounts of blow, and maybe that’s what everyone else’s problem is in this trailer. Oh, also in the cast list is someone called Imogen Poots (“V for Vendetta”) – I nominate her for best name of the decade.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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