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52nd Grammy Awards, what’s more, the Jacksons.

52nd Grammy Awards, what’s more, the Jacksons. (photo)

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Stephen Colbert has a great talent for standing up in front of a group of people and nailing them, like he did last night at the Grammys. It wasn’t the scathing 2006 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner, but opening with “We are here tonight to celebrate what I believe is our most precious right, the right of celebrities to congratulate each other” was appropriately raw.

[Prince and Paris Jackson]

I care so little for the winners, that I’ll refrain from honoring their awards with mention. I suspect no one outside the celebrity participants and the music industry cares that much anyway. With winners like these, the awards seem less about talent and more about who’s moving product and catching the most spotlight. Consequently, it’s only the spectacle and performances that were of any real interest.

The Grammys did us right by having that huge tribute to Michael Jackson, one reason the viewership was through the roof. Legend, Lionel Richie, introduced the 3D segment that featured a live rendition of Michael’s “Earth Song,” supported by Smokey Robinson and some reality TV cheeseballs with Michael on lead vocals.

Go to 8:20 for the Jackson kids.

Most mind blowing though were Michael’s kids, Prince and Paris Jackson. Having been sheltered from the public for the past 12 and 11 years respectively, the first glimpse I got of these two without masks or parasols obscuring their faces was at Michael’s memorial during which Paris gave her spontaneous, heart-rending goodbye. Young Prince Jackson came off like, you guessed it, a Prince. He also sounds like a voice actor from Charlie Brown’s golden age. They’re unreal.

Less thrilling was Taylor Swift’s mash up with Stevie Nicks, mostly because I have no idea who the hell Taylor Swift is (without Kanye West) and kept wondering why she was ruining Stevie Nicks’ truncated performance.

She’s also really bad at accepting awards, even when some ass isn’t cutting her off. She seemed… fake? Ironically, the King of Pop, the most superficially fake (skin deep) person in the world, could give a more honest and meaningful speech in his sleep. And the award goes to, Michael Jackson.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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