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Roman Polanski should direct “Breaking Dawn”…

Roman Polanski should direct “Breaking Dawn”… (photo)

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…because hey, somebody has to, right? This time last year, all the acclaim for Kathryn Bigelow’s “The Hurt Locker” actually led people to speculate that she’d be the natural choice to direct an installment of the “Twilight Saga,” since both her film and the franchise were distributed by Summit.

Like Catherine Hardwicke, who’d just been dismissed because she thought she wouldn’t have enough time to turn around a quality sequel, Bigelow also happened to lack a Y chromosome (and she’s an exacting, intelligent director of kick-ass action, but for many, that was a secondary consideration). Summit eventually went with Chris Weitz for “New Moon” and “Hard Candy”‘s David Slade for “Eclipse,” and Edward and Bella had their marching orders.

With today’s announcement that Roman Polanski’s thriller “The Ghost Writer” has been picked up by Summit for a spring 2010 release, I think it’s time to start a push for the newest member of the Summit family to direct the fourth and final installment in the “Twilight” books. I mean, sure, Weitz’s successful outing with “New Moon” has led many of those same spectators to suggest he’s the most likely candidate for the potentially two-part “Breaking Dawn” extravaganza, but there’s still no director officially attached yet, and there are a couple reasons to think this could work, in spite of Polanski’s legal troubles:

“Breaking Dawn” is batshit crazy.
By now, you may have read Devin Faraci’s widely linked breakdown of Stephenie Meyer’s finale to the vampire series, and if you haven’t, you should. But to summarize, Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewart) finally consummate their relationship after getting married, have literally otherworldly sex and produce a crazy strong vampire baby who becomes the object of Jacob’s (Taylor Lautner) intense affection. Faraci originally suggested David Cronenberg for the job, particularly for the way he might handle the “C-section [that Edward gives Bella] with his fucking teeth,” but here I’d have to suggest the austerity that the director of “Rosemary’s Baby” might be able to bring to the birth might amount to something even better.

12112009_newmoon.jpgHe’s available (sorta).
Summit’s emphasized a quick turnaround on the “Twilight” series to keep the fleeting attention spans of its teenage audience, and Polanski, who was apparently able to finish the editing on “The Ghost Writer” while under house arrest in Switzerland, obviously has nothing but time on his hands. If Wes Anderson can direct a movie via email, there’s pretty much no stopping Polanski from doing the same on “Breaking Dawn,” some of which could anyway surely be filmed outside his door to mirror the wintry look of Forks, WA. Plus, he surely could use the cash for his legal bills, and Summit’s already decided to weather any blowback about working with the guy by picking up his latest movie.

Actors love him.
Getting past the obvious obstacle/joke of having to direct teenage girls, Polanski could reinvigorate the series’ star Stewart, whose boredom with the whole “Twilight” thing extends far beyond the glazed over look she gives to either Edward or Jacob when they’re ripping off their shirts. Though biting her bottom lip has taken her a long way as Bella, Stewart’s repeatedly shown that she wants to get back to the career she had before “Twilight” with films like “Into the Wild” and “In the Land of Women.” (To that end, she spent her “Twilight” hiatus filming the Sundance-bound Joan Jett biopic “The Runaways” and “Welcome to the Rileys,” in which she plays a prostitute.) Give her and likely Oscar nominee Anna Kendrick a director of similar stature and they might actually be happy to show up to work again.

And yeah, this is all in jest — but we’d never have predicted Werner Herzog would helm a “Bad Lieutenant” remake, either. Stranger things have happened.

[Photos: Roman Polanski on the set of “Oliver Twist,” TriStar Pictures, 2005; “The Twilight Saga: New Moon,” Summit, 2009]

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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