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DID YOU READ

You should see “The Box.”

You should see “The Box.” (photo)

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In an interview right here on IFC.com last week, Richard Kelly (“Donnie Darko,” “Southland Tales”) claimed his new movie “The Box” — which came out last Friday — was intended to be more linear and commercial, paving the way for future studio work. The fact that Kelly actually believes this is tribute to the fact that he’s living in another world, possibly one of the many alternate universes that always seem to pop up in his movies. The film I saw in a nearly deserted auditorium last night is not, by any stretch of the imagination, “normal.” It is completely unhinged and — despite the fact that it’s received mostly mixed-to-negative reviews — you should consider seeing it, partly because there’s not much else out right now, partly because it’s a truly unique experience and it’s not boring. WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW.

In terms of unexpected plot developments, the only thing I’ve heard of this year that could compare for nonsensical surprises is “Knowing”. “The Box”‘s theme is embarrassingly simple: the American middle class, as represented by the married Cameron Diaz and James Marsden, is built on the selfish, destructive impulses of consumerism that can be pursued at the peril of humanity, powered by mechanisms that aren’t readily apparent. End. What’s curious are the lengths Kelly will go to dress up this fairly-standard anti-capitalist critique. In mechanics more complicated than I can recount in this space, what basically happens is a bunch of aliens (or maybe gods, OMG) inhabiting human bodies proceed to run morality tests on guileless humans to figure out whether or not they should destroy the planet. These aliens are extremely humorless and like to quote Sartre: at one point, I seriously thought Diaz and Marsden were just being hounded by remarkably well-coordinated rogue existentialists.

In “Donnie Darko” and “Southland Tales,” Kelly could justify his plots to a point — which invariably involve wormholes and time travel — by claiming they were more or less grounded in the parts of quantum physics he got from reading Stephen Hawking. “The Box” is beyond science, if not good and evil; it not only presupposes wormholes and time travel, but aliens and an afterlife as well. Which is what makes Kelly interesting: like Oliver Stone’s “JFK” and “Nixon,” he’s arranging a narrative of American life where dark undercurrents are being manipulated by many swaths of the government working together. But for Kelly, in all three movies, the agencies aren’t actually conspiring against the public; they’re just trying to keep up with larger forces way outside their control (a really odd conclusion for a movie set in 1976 — prime post-Watergate fall-out time — to reach).

He’s consistent to a fault: all three of Kelly’s movies begin with someone waking up and end with someone who’s been through all of the movie’s events but doesn’t really comprehend what they just experienced, staring out into space traumatized. Kelly uses wormholes the same way Wes Anderson uses ridiculously intricate sets and P.T. Anderson uses lens flare; he just doesn’t know how to build a story without sci-fi grammar. If that means he winds up with an ending that splits the difference between the finales of “The Abyss” and “Se7en” (box and all, har har), he’s still trying to process the world through a set of fixations that are unique, kind of stupid and more successful at integrating genuinely creepy Lynchian moments into glossy production values than anyone yet.

If that doesn’t sound like your idea of a good time — well, sure. This is basically an insane morality play that isn’t “good” in any real sense. But we’re staring down a winter of “Invictus” and “It’s Complicated” and Lord knows what else; a little mad ambition (minus “Southland Tales”‘ jejune “political commentary”) is pretty much all that’s left this year, and your ironic inner pop scholar will inevitably end up watching it on TNT in three years’ time anyway, staring in the same WTF daze you could be getting right now.

[Frank Langella and Cameron Diaz in “The Box,” Warner Bros., 2009]

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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