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There’s a movie about Tom Jones’ genitals.

There’s a movie about Tom Jones’ genitals. (photo)

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If you’re anything like me, you often think to yourself “Gosh, ‘Mars Attacks!’ is really funny and by far Tom Jones’ finest moment on screen, but I wish there was more material about his penis in it.”

OK, so maybe that isn’t true.

Regardless, at long last a movie dedicated to Tom Jones’ junk has arrived. It’s called “A Bit of Tom Jones?”, and it’s a Welsh comedy so low-profile it doesn’t yet have an IMDb entry, though it’s in the midst of a successful theatrical run in Wales. The original title — the point-blank “Tom Jones’ Cock” — was sadly not usable for practical reasons.

The plot sounds very “Waking Ned Devine,” albeit instead of a lottery scam it has a bunch of Welsh barhounds running around with Jones’ severed member, trying to sell it off for the right price. It’s a notable regional success, outselling “The Fourth Kind,” which is maybe not that impressive, but also outselling “This Is It,” which is.

The stories the team behind “A Bit of Tom Jones?” tells of what it means to self-distribute a low-budget 35mm comedy would put most American indie tales to shame: at one point, reports the Guardian, they were playing one print at two theaters with staggered screenings, starting it at one location, then running the reels over to the next theater.

11242009_tomjones.jpgTom Jones fans seem to be taking the film in stride, and the man himself remains notably silent on the subject. The question for all you worriers about “the future of independent cinema,” of course, is if it’s possible to gain national and international attention by platforming off regional love.

“A Bit of Tom Jones” is a film from Southern Wales, which there aren’t many of, and Jones is one of Wales’ more famous sons. But terrible movies are filmed in all 50 states here pretty much all the time, many of which remain buried in their regional premieres. So no, this doesn’t mean anything. But it is pretty funny. The trailer:

[Photo: “A Bit of Tom Jones,” Tred Films, 2009; “Mars Attacks!,” Warner Bros., 1996]

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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