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DID YOU READ

Scientology whack job: Paul Haggis’ scathing resignation

Scientology whack job: Paul Haggis’ scathing resignation (photo)

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It’s hard enough to wrap my head around the complexities of Earth based religions – and I studied theology for four years in a Jesuit high school. Sometimes Space based religions seem simpler by comparison. Mormons take their guidance from the writings of extra-terrestrial beings and wear sacred underwear. So what? Many Jews wear fur donuts on their heads and Christians think it Holy to drink the blood and eat the body of their savior. But the Church of Scientology takes the far out prize (even if it was founded on this planet in New Jersey).

Over the weekend, Writer/director Paul Haggis (“Crash,” “In the Valley of Elah,” “Casino Royale”) dropped a bomb on Scientology the likes of which they have not seen since Xenu “gathered up all the overpopulation in this sector of the galaxy, brought them to Earth and then exterminated” them atop a giant volcano by blowing the shit out of it with hydrogen bombs 75 million years ago. Old Xenu had a flair for the dramatic overkill [xenu.net]. Well after 35 years, Haggis had finally had enough. His main gripe is the church’s apparent support of California’s Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage.

In his resignation letter to Church of Scientology figurehead and intergalactic sociopath, Tommy Davis, Haggis called out the San Diego chapter of the church in sponsoring the proposition and charged the alien minions with fostering “bigotry and intolerance, homophobia and fear.”

He also took exception with the church directing his wife to disconnect contact with her parents over some perceived offense they committed 25 years ago, and Davis’ smear campaign against other former members of the church wherein he revealed what were supposed to be private and sacred confessionals made by them [eonline].

“Crash” was a real piece of garbage but Haggis himself is clearly not. Way to go man, even if it took you 35 years! Write more stuff with Clint Eastwood, he may be the only one who can protect you now.

Watch Davis storm out of an ABC interview.

Read more including Haggis’ letter.

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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