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“Jane Eyre,” round 16.

“Jane Eyre,” round 16. (photo)

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“Sin Nombre” director Cary Fukunaga is in “advanced negotiations” to direct a new “Jane Eyre,” according to Variety. Which makes perfect sense, since there’ve only been 15 previous film adaptations and near as many TV versions, in addition to all of the ballets, musicals and operas. And it’s been three whole years since the BBC last “Eyre”d itself. And why not have a guy who directed a gritty border-crossing drama take a whack at it?

What is the enduring cinematic appeal of “Jane Eyre”? Why are we destined to see a new version at least twice a decade? Why is Charlotte Brontë’s book — full of emotional abuse, death and unsatisfactory marriages — outpacing, movie-wise, the combined works of Jane Austen, whose novels can at least can be translated into something resembling a conventional romance with a straight face?

Variety notes that this upcoming version “will play up the gothic elements.” Unfortunately, I don’t think this means more eyeliner or going “Saw”-style, with Mr. Rochester torturing the madwoman in the attic with elaborate implements. If gothic is really what the people want, allow me to reach back into my English major past and make the case for Horace Walpole’s 1764 “The Castle of Otranto,” which begins with a 15-year-old getting crushed to death by a gigantic helmet that comes out of nowhere and his father’s increasingly maniacal and deranged attempts to get the bride to marry him instead.

It’s at least twice as entertaining as “Eyre” and four times as deranged, but the big plus is that “Otranto”‘s never been filmed (except as the soon departed-from basis for a Jan Švankmajer short). Anything to avoid breaking out the bonnet again.

[Photo: fresh-faced Charlotte Gainsbourg as “Jane Eyre,” Miramax, 1996. Way before “Antichrist.” Just imagine.]

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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